Our teens are not spared from relationship challenges in school.
They communicate with friends, teachers, school staff and classmates on a daily basis.
They are unlikely to get along with everyone everyday – there will be people whom our teens don’t have a smooth relationship with.
This is normal – even us adults face challenges when interacting with people whose personalities are not compatible with ours.
However, having a conflict-free environment in school is very beneficial to our teens, as we know. They may not get along with their classmate John, for example, but that doesn’t mean our child has to pick a fight with John every time they meet or skip school in order to avoid seeing him. There are better ways to handle such situations.
With proper guidance, our teens can interact with people they personally dislike with grace and manners.
So how can our teens take control of negative relationships (in 2 steps)?
Reframe the situation
Reframing is incredibly powerful. Instead of labeling a classmate as ‘irritating and selfish,’ for example, they can reframe some negative words as stated below:
- ‘Irritating’ – persistent
- ‘Selfish’ – focused, goal-oriented
- ‘Loud’ – vocal, extraverted
- ‘Strict’ – caring
and so on. They might require a thesaurus for this exercise. (just kidding!)
Highlight the positive
We can encourage our teen to highlight the positive aspects of facing challenging relationships.
For example:
- ‘Our teacher may be strict and fierce, but it has pushed me to be more careful and double-check my work in class.’
- ‘Kayla likes to make fun of my curly hair, but it has taught me to be a more patient person over time.’ (admittedly, this particular example is challenging for most of us. Many of us will be tearing our hair out to remain patient with such a character!)
- ‘I have a lot of homework today. However, this will ensure that I get ample practice before the exams next month.’
It takes time for our teens to grasp and practise concepts #1 and #2 above.
However, do not give up and praise him or her whenever a small positive change is noticed.
All the best