How to start taking care of yourself without feeling guilty | Self Care for Beginners
People, especially women, tend to feel guilty when they put themselves first.
But…you have to prioritise your own needs and wants at times.
Self care, or taking care of yourself, is not selfish.
If you practise self care often, you’ll have more energy and enthusiasm. This means you’ll be a better partner, worker, parent, friend… etc. Everyone benefits from a more energised, happier You.
I don’t deny that we might have well-meaning friends or family who guilt-trip us and make us feel bad when we want to rest instead of ‘helping’ them do one thing or another.
Sometimes we need to stand our ground – easier said than done.
Because.., if we don’t look after our mental and physical well-being, who will?
So how do I Enjoy Self Care Without all these Guilty Feelings?
If you are a people-pleasing person, this is a tough one. But first, let’s break down why you are a people-pleaser in the first place.
People-pleasers lack some self-worth and fear rejection, but I will elaborate this in a different blog article for another time. 🙂
It’s okay to admit that we might lack self-worth… the first step to improving ourselves is to admit that we have an insecurity or two 🙂
People-pleasers value other people’s wants above their own. Even if people-pleasing Amy knows that Susan is taking advantage of her by, say, asking her to do extra work for her, Amy does it anyway. This can lead to stress and even depression for Amy in the future.
Firstly… Shift your mindset – your needs and wants are as important as anybody else’s.
You are not less valuable than anyone else :).
Every one of us is important to our family, friends and the community.
When I was in my early 20s, I used to think that being jobless or not earning a lot of money means someone is less valuable.
Someone who isn’t working might be contributing in other ways. You might not be a rockstar in the community but you matter to your loved ones.
Even chatting to your mother or listening to your sister’s rant is a form of ‘contribution’. You are fulfilling their social and emotional needs 🙂
I like this quote I came across on Youtube.
“If you ask yourself: “Did I make a difference today?” Ask yourself again: “Did I smile at a stranger today?” If you did, then yes, you made a difference.”
Tip 2: Take the day off!
Sounds selfish huh? 😉
Well, if we don’t look after our own mental health, no one is going to do it for us.
Taking the day off to recharge means that you will return to work or to your home duties more enthusiastically than before.
Everyone benefits from a happier, more enthusiastic You.
Tip 3: Meditation stops overthinking – that’s why it works so well
We’ve heard it a million times – meditation is good for us.
But you might not know how to start.
If you are tech-oriented, you might like apps like Headspace and Calm.
I personally only use Calm when I want to fall asleep fast. 🙂
My favourite meditation is this Feel Good Meditation. I’m not affiliated to the website in any way – I’m just recommending what works for me 🙂
Also, what works for others, might not work for you.
Meditation stops thought – which is great for overthinkers or people who ruminate a lot.
If you’ve tried meditation and it doesn’t help, maybe a more physical relaxation such as running, yoga or walking in nature might be useful.
Tip 4: Be present and have a clear mind
What works for me is a walk in nature.
If you don’t feel like moving, you can pop into a cafe (Starbucks or wherever) early on a weekday morning, order a cup of coffee and just calm yourself down with sips of coffee and people watch. Some people call this coffee meditation 😉
Reading in the library or even going to a big and quiet bookstore such as Kinokuniya helps.
Sometimes, just not touching your mobile phone or laptop for an hour or two can do wonders.
If you are working a 9-6 job, some of these are not practical, but that will be another article for another time!
Clear mind = calmer self = better decisions
Last tip…Tip 5: Be brave enough to say ‘No’ to unfair or unnecessary requests
I’ll relate a story which happened today as I was writing this very article at Starbucks.
I bought a cappuccino and tapped away – taking a 2-seater table.
After an hour, a server asked me to move to (a less comfortable table) to give way to a family of 3.
In my hazy-minded state, I just moved and got up on one of those uncomfy high stools which I hate.
Upon reflection, I should have said ‘No’ to the server.
I was a customer at a 2-seater table. I had every right to sit at a comfortable 2-seater spot if I wanted.
So… be brave to say ‘No’ when someone makes a rather unfair request 🙂
I’ll admit that Tips 2 and 5 will still leave some of us with feelings of guilt.
However, we have to refer to Tip 1 and remember that our wants and needs are as important as anyone else’s.
So how do you practise self care?
Share your tips in the Comments section below! 🙂
And don’t forget to share this article on Facebook if you think your friends will benefit from any of the tips above.
See you in the next article. 🙂