One brave method to overcome ‘all or nothing’ thinking which is common amongst perfectionists.
What are you perfectionistic about?
It can be your appearance, your work, your house and some of us are even perfectionists with our hobby. Or you may be perfectionistic with all the four aspects above.
I don’t want to shoot perfectionism down, because it has its good points.
But with anything else in life, too much of anything - such as perfectionism - is going to make you anxious, exhausted, not relaxed and basically hate your life.
It all starts with an ‘all-or-nothing’ mentality.
If you need a worksheet to help you tone down your perfectionism and be productive, you can download the Pause Perfectionism worksheet below.
6 Examples of All or Nothing Thinking
“If I’m not going to stick to the diet 100%, might as well not start in the first place.”
“If I don’t look well-groomed all the time, I might bump into ex-colleagues and old friends and they will think I’ve let myself go.”
“If I don’t publish my blog post today, I’m a failure.”
“If I don’t keep my house spotless and clean when my friends come over, they will think I’m lazy and dirty.”
“Well, if I’m not a success and become popular doing what I do, what’s the point of starting?”
“If I publish a video and someone criticises how I speak, I’m doomed.”
The dangers of all-or-nothing thinking
We are usually not this harsh with our friends and family. But strangely, we punish ourselves.
All or nothing thinking is believing in extremes.
Many things in life are not black-and-white. If you are a perfectionist, you will be frustrated with this idea. Like, what’s the point of doing something if we don’t succeed in it, right?
All or nothing thinking means:
We will have low self-esteem. Which means we’ll never have the confidence to do things out of our comfort zone to pursue our goals.
We punish ourselves by expecting ourselves to excel at something when we may be gifted in other areas
We don’t even try something we want to do because it will be a ‘waste of time.’
We overwork or spend too much time on little things which are not a matter of life and death. As a result: We don’t enjoy motherhood, working, exercising, reading, hobbies because we want to do everything right.
We are highly anxious all the time. Not fun at all.
We will be fatigued all the time because our minds are constantly thinking, analysing, evaluating.
How to overcome all-or-nothing thinking
I will propose something which will make all the perfectionists reading this cringe and have panic attacks.
I call it the 4-Step All or nothing Exercise.
Step 1: I will ask you to choose 1 all-or-nothing goal or standard you have.
Step 2: what goes through your mind if you do it or don’t achieve it?
Step 3: Next week, set a date to deliberately not achieve your all-or-nothing standard (gasp!).
Step 4: Record what happens.
I will give you an example.
Step 1: “I MUST keep my house and all the rooms 100% sparkling clean when guests come over."
Step 2: “If I don’t keep my house spotless and clean when my friends come over, they will think I’m lazy and dirty. They will find out my embarrassing habits at home.”
Step 3: “I will invite my friends to my house next Tuesday. I will only clean the living room and toilets the morning itself. I will leave the other rooms as they are. Maybe just a quick sweep for the other rooms.'“
Step 4: See if your friends notice (or mind) the state of your house not being 100% perfect. Record it down.
You may need to repeat Step 3 a few times before you can truly relax and let go about perfectionism regarding your home.
You may also find these overcome perfectionism articles helpful:
How to Handle a Stressful Situation
I know that many of us are perfectionists because we have low self-esteem!
If you want to start overcoming low self-esteem and be brave to pursue your goals, you can check out my Ebook - Be Your Own Self-Esteem Coach.
Or you can take the first step and download the Pause Perfectionism and Feel Relaxed worksheet.
Meanwhile, have a good week!
Shikah
