These are 5 habits for assertive communication for introverts with self-esteem issues.
Some of us shy away from communicating ‘assertively’.
If we are not confident enough, we get nervous voicing our opinions.
Then again…what we are we nervous about?
Most likely afraid of losing friendships, getting into arguments and people thinking our viewpoint is stupid.
(Especially when we surround ourselves with domineering personalities who always think they are right and have no qualms putting down other people’s smart opinions. Ugh.)
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So what are the 5 habits of assertive communication?
Habit 1: Know that your opinions are worthy
Your opinions are as valid as anyone else’s.
It does not matter if you do not have a high-ranking position at work or if you are still young.
Your opinions should still be respected.
Besides, if you are around people with classy behaviour, they will usually respect your opinions, even if they don’t agree with it.
(And that’s ok. There are 7.7 billion people on this planet - not everyone is going to agree with us!)
So communicate assertively all you want.
If you are around non-classy people…well, they will scorn your opinions and then make fun of you behind your back. You know who they are. Time to stop hanging out with them.
I should also point out that there is a difference between communicating assertively and being aggressive.
If you are assertive, it means that you hold strongly to your opinions BUT you still respect other people’s different points of view.
And no, we do not put down another person’s opinion or insist that our opinion is ‘the right one’.
Don’t be that girl.
Habit #2: Use words such as ‘we’ and ‘I’
If you have some self-confidence issues, you will feel better using ‘we’ and ‘I’ when you are not happy with something.
For example: “I think we can work on this to make it better”, “Let’s improve on this. We can…” or “The steak is not done the way I ordered it…can I have a replacement please?”
Also add ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ when necessary.
And use a question to get someone to do something for you. (“Can you help me to XYZ please? Thanks very much!”)
I have to add that some people are nasty by nature and will step all over you when you are cordial.
That is when you can 1) not reply the person 2) be less cordial (“Thanks for your input. I want this and this to be done. Thank you!”).
I would personally choose not to reply if someone is being nasty to me. Don’t feed the negativity. Your mental health and peace is more important.
Habit #3: Assume positive intent
When we are angry, sometimes we jump immediately to assuming the worst in people.
This is especially true for some of us who have lower self-esteem.
”He purposely ignored my message didn’t he?”
“He is definitely ignoring what I want and doesn’t care about my needs.”
When we are angry and want to voice out our frustration, it’s good to be factual.
For example:
”I don’t like waiting for 30 minutes. It was tiring for me.”
“I was waiting for your reply last night.”
As always, avoid using ‘you’. Use lots of ‘I’ and ‘we’.
(Note that my tactics are for women who are introverted with some self-worth issues.
If you are a passionate woman brimming with confidence, you may be impatient with these tactics)
Also, assume that the other person has no ill intention. (Difficult, I know)
I would say that 90% of the time, people don’t have ill intentions.
They genuinely forgot something. They are truly busy and occupied. They are distracted by other things in their lives.
Habit #4: Embarrassment is not the end of the world
When we voice our opinions, sometimes they are not…right.
Our opinions are still valid and need to be respected. But may be factually wrong at times.
(Like correcting someone’s usage of the word ‘traction’ and then realising that our definition of that word is wrong. True story).
It’s alright to laugh at ourselves. That’s why it’s good to be open to different suggestions when being assertive.
If we are rigid…we will look even more foolish when we make mistakes,yes?
We will make mistakes. That’s a given. But embarrassment is not a big deal - people forget about it faster than we think.
Habit #5: Be comfortable saying ‘No’
Saying ‘no’ is probably very hard for you if you have self-esteem issues. But saying ‘No’ is important to respect our own boundaries.
Remember - our boundaries are as important as other people’s boundaries.
If you are not comfortable doing something for others, you can try saying ‘no’ in these 5 ways:
“Can I complete that tomorrow instead?”
“I can’t help you with that. But you can call this number for information.”
“I need the money right now, so I can’t lend you $5000. Sorry!”
“Let me think about it.” (and hopefully the person forgets about the task)
“Not right now. Maybe next time.”
The above examples are more indirect in nature.
This makes them perfect for some of us who are struggling with self-confidence.
I can’t suggest for you to be direct and say “No, I can’t do that” firmly if you are in the process of building your self-esteem. It’s good to start slow - be indirect at saying ‘no’ first.
And when our confidence builds up, we can be more direct when someone crosses our boundaries.
My last thoughts on assertive communication..
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Meanwhile, have a good week.
Shikah
