How to challenge the fear of failure in your coaching clients

Hello friends! I’m Shikah, I’m a former counsellor and I create done-for-you lead magnets and workbooks for coaches. 

Today, I’m going to share how you can challenge the fear of failure in your coaching clients. Actually, a fear of failure is more common than we think although it is not obvious. Many of us do not like to admit that we have a fear of failure or a fear of making mistakes.

That’s because too many of us have been conditioned that being a grown-up means you have to be fearless and you have to have your life together. Truth is, having a fear of failure, perfectionism and low cofidence are somehow inter-related and these issues are common amongst us.

In this blog post, I will share 4 steps on how you can start to challenge the fear of failure in your coaching clients.

#1. First, get your clients or audience to select a mini goal which they want very badly, but are too scared to take action on.

Examples are starting a YouTube channel, starting a side hustle, speaking up at work, taking up a new project at work or in business, applying for their dream job, publishing an ebook, creating an online course, doing an Instagram ‘live’, vlogging, podcasting. This goal has to be something which they have been wanting to do for a long time but have been procrastinating on.

I’ll share a personal example. One of my ‘mini goals’ is to publish an ebook on Kindle. But I have not entertained this idea much because the thought of having people leaving me a one-star rating or readers brutally dissecting and criticising my work - is too much for me to handle. Hence, I have a fear of failure when it comes to publishing books. This is ironic because I write workbooks and masterclasses for coaches - and I get grateful emails from them often - but I still have a fear of failing when it comes to putting my work out there in the masses. This is one example of how our fears can be irrational and our fears are not necessarily the truth.

If your clients have projects that they are dying to start but have not taken any action yet, you can explore whether they have a fear of failure in this aspect.

#2. The second step is to write down the number one fear that they have when it comes to starting this mini-goal.

It can be a fear of being judged, a fear of potential public embarrassment if they ‘fail’, a fear of disappointing themselves if they could not execute this mini-goal well, a fear of disappointing other people (this is especially relevant if they want to start a coaching business, for example, and have a fear of ‘failing’ to help their clients succeed) or even a fear of having their lifelong dreams crumbling if they ‘fail’.

All these fears are unique and valid to them. They are likely to be very emotionally attached to this mini-goal and associate mistakes with really big negative outcomes. You can explore where this fear comes from. Does it come from low self-worth? Does it come from unrealistically high standards where they expect themselves to get acknowledged or rewarded the first time they start something new?

In my own example, I have a fear of failure when it comes to publishing ebooks on Amazon. My number one specific fear is ‘potential public embarrassment if my ebook flops.’ I am terrified in case my readers find my books unhelpful, ‘basic’ or flawed in any way. However, this is an imagined negative scenario which does not even exist. I don’t want to sound too delusional or too presumptuous, but positive scenarios are also equally possible. In fact, I may even get many fans for my future ebooks - especially if I write my books with the sincere intention of helping people.

If I were to explore my own fears, I know that they stem from my upbringing. I was brought up to believe that my achievements and results were equivalent to my self-worth. That is why failure and mistakes - especially public failures, of course - are terrifying for me. This is something I am constantly working on and being self-employed helps me relax my perfectionism so much. That’s because you practically can’t function as a business owner if you are a perfectionist - it will practically cripple you and stop you from taking any action.

I’ve always believed that one of the fastest ways for personal growth is self-employment - self-employment and parenthood, to be exact - but that’s another topic for another day.

Now before I move on to the next step, if you want a free Challenge your Fear of Failure lead magnet to grow your email list, then make sure you enter your name and email address below.

I have a free 7-page activity which you can share with your audience to help them reduce their fear of failure. Again, make sure to type your name and email address and I’ll send it to your inbox.

Now with that out of the way, let’s move on to the next step on how to challenge the fear of failure in your clients.

#3. The next step I have for you to challenge the fear of failure in your audience is to find evidence that their fear is true.

This might sound counter intuitive at first. However, when we ‘force’ clients or ourselves to find evidence to prove our fears right, we will realise that it is hard to find concrete or convincing evidence to support our own made-up fears.

That is because the fearful, ‘scary’ situation in our minds are completely made-up and do not exist. This step can jolt them into realising how irrational their fears can be. As an example, for myself, I have a fear of potential public embarrassment if my ebook flops on Amazon.

It is actually difficult for me to find evidence to support this. If I force myself to come up with evidence, I will write something like this “I don’t have evidence that my fears are true because this failure has not happened. However, I have observed that people can be truly critical of creators online. I only have to surf forums like Reddit, certain Facebook groups or even read reviews on Amazon to see how critical people can be of writers and any creator who puts their work out there. So my fear of potential public embarrassment is valid.”

This step can be very powerful because it gives someone the realisation that their fears are not as ‘scary’ as they imagine. And in fact, I feel almost silly writing my fear down because my fear seems rather small in comparison with my bigger purpose for writing an ebook. This step can make your clients realise that their purpose of wanting to pursue their mini-goal is more important than their fears of failure and embarassment.

#4. The next step I have to help your clients challenge the fear of failure is to find evidence that their fear is not true.

As you already expect, this step is also important.

I call this step the ‘positive feel-good step’ because the purpose is to motivate them, hype them up and remind them of their strengths. This is where your clients will have to think of their past achievements which are related to their mini-goal, recall testimonials or words of affirmation they’ve received in the past or remind themselves of their true genuine intention for wanting to start that mini-goal in the first place.

Using my own personal example, I will likely write this “My fear of potential public embarassment if my book flops, may not be true because there are many beginner writers who have received praise and testimonials for their first book. I, myself, have received hundreds of testimonials for my done-for-you materials for coaches. Also, I’ve noticed most people are generally kind and appreciative. I have also underestimated my abilties numerous times before - so my fear can be a reflection of me underestimating myself again. At the same time, I don’t have to label myself a ‘failure’ if my book does not do as well as I hope. As long as I write with the intention to help, and there are people who find my book helpful, I can consider my book the result of good, solid effort on my part.”

As you can see from my example, your clients may need to shift their definition of ‘failure’ to reduce their fears around failures, flops and mistakes.

You can continue this 4-step exercise until your clients have broken down and assessed 3 different fears they have regarding the same mini-goal.

Now, if you are someone who’s convinced that you want to coach your clients to overcome their fear of failure, you can check out my done-for-you fear of failure masterclass. You can launch your own masterclass ASAP because I have done 90 slides, a workbook and a script for you already.

Click here if you want to launch a masterclass today and sell it on your website.

Thanks for reading this and take care.

Shikah