How to coach boundary setting : ‘How to say No without hurting someone’s feelings’
Today, we dive into the topic of people-pleasing and how it can be detrimental to our well-being.
I shared five ways for your people-pleasing audience to say No politely and without hurting someone’s feelings.
I understand that saying a flat no can be difficult for recovering people-pleasers, so I’m providing 5 alternative ways to decline requests gently but firmly.
You can watch the video or read the modified transcript below if you wish!
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I was seething when this happened many years ago.
“Okay Shikah,” my lazy colleague flopped herself comfortably on the sofa in our meeting room at my former workplace.
“You can take notes for this meeting and email them to all of us,” she continued.
I baulked.
“No thanks. I think we are capable of writing our own notes,” I retorted calmly.
Inside, I was burning with anger.
There she is again. Trying to bully me to do work for her whenever she has a chance, I thought furiously.
I said No because if I allow someone to ‘make use’ of my kindness once, it will happen again. Usually.
I am lucky I’ve learnt how to set boundaries at the right time.
And I feel deeply for people-pleasers who get into a mental tussle whenever someone asks them for a ‘favour’ they dont want to do.
I created the done for you Overcome People Pleasing masterclass for them and for you to have your own people-pleasing masterclass with the slides and script I’ve done for you.
And at the same time, help your clients feel more confident while you make money with the masterclass replays.
You make a difference and get paid for this wonderful transformation - just the way we like it :)
Anyway, I digress.
Today, I’m sharing 5 ways for your clients to say No politely.
For recovering people-pleasers, saying a flat No can feel too harsh.
So we cushion the No such that your people-pleasing audience feels less saying No to unreasonable tasks.
Here are 5 ways your people-pleasing clients can say No politely:
“Let me think about it.” If their default answer to every request is Yes, this buys them some time to think through and craft a polite No.
2. “ I have an appointment later, I cant do that for you today.” I may get shot for this, but I think telling a white lie or two is okay if your clients are in the process of recovering from people pleasing. Just say ‘I cant do that - I have plans after this’ to an undesired request, even if the only plan they have is one with Netflix and chips.
3. “I can’t do that for you as I’m busy but I can show you how to do it.” If your clients have the time and patience, they can ‘tutor’ the other person how to get that unwanted task done.
4. “I’m sorry but I can’t promise I can get this done.” This is a very polite way of saying No and hopefully the asker gets the hint and buzzes off.
5. If your client is sick and tired of this same person asking them for unnecessary favours all the time because they are lazy? A simple “No. I think you are capable of doing that yourself.”
There you have it. Five ways to say No politely.
Please share these 5 ways with your audience. In your reels, in your IG ‘lives’ or expand this into a podcast episode. Spread the word.
If you want a free people-pleasing test to let your audience find out fi they have mild or severe people-pleasing tendencies, head to the show notes or description box.
And if you want to launch your own people-pleasing masterclass but are too busy to create one yourself, you can get my done-for-you masterclass.
Thank you for the work you do, Coaches.
Thank you for the work you do, Coaches.
Sincerely,
Shikah
If you want to launch your own people-pleasing masterclass but too busy to create one yourself, you can take the shortcut and get my done-for-you people-pleasing masterclass.
