These are 5 habits of women who set healthy boundaries to feel empowered and confident.
Setting boundaries is always tricky for us.
If we are too rigid, we will be seen as ‘selfish’.
If we have weak boundaries, we will be very frustrated with ourselves.
Some people will be happy with us, though. Because they get us to do what they want.
Self-love is needed in times like these. You can learn the 5 habits of self-love from this blog post.
If you learn better with videos, you can watch my video on setting boundaries below:
The trick about boundaries is to know when to give and take.
Being flexible takes some pressure off our shoulders.
It’s a matter of personal choice, but we decide where our boundaries are clearly drawn and where our boundaries can be a little more…fluid.
If you need a shortcut to help kick start your boundaries, you can download my Set Healthy Boundaries action sheet below.
I’ll be sharing 5 basic habits which can help us set basic boundaries so that we feel more empowered.
Habit #1: Get Rid of our Excuses
This needs us to be self-aware.
How many times have we made excuses for other people and allow them to overstep our boundaries?
Below are some examples:
”I don’t like my sister coming to my house 4 times a week. But she is lonely and has no family, so I…”
“I don’t want to lend my cousin $5000, but she is crying and begging me. She has a tough family background and comes from a financially-strapped family. Meanwhile, I have $20,000 sitting in my account. So I will…”
”I don’t want to answer my friend’s call at 11pm as I am sleepy and it’s not urgent. But she wants my input now and it will only take 10 minutes. So I…”
The first step to healing is always awareness.
Once we can pinpoint when we are making excuses for other people to crash our boundaries, we can take the next action. And implement some boundary rules.
Habit #2: how to Set Your Boundary Rules
When we set boundaries for the first time, our loved ones will react.
They may admire us and respect our boundaries or attack us for it.
If you set your boundaries politely and that cousin attacks you, you may want to cut back on the time you spend with her.
It’s good to be aware that conflict may happen when we set boundaries in our relationships. Just brace yourself.
You can choose to tell your loved one about your boundary face-to-face or in written form.
For example:
”Hi Sarah! It’s great that you came over to my house today. In future, is it okay if you call me first before coming over? I have some projects to take care of.”
”Hi Natasha! I’m sorry to hear about your money problems. I can’t give you $5000 as I need the cash myself. Is there any other way I can help you?”
”Hi Laura! I’m afraid I am very tired right now. Can I talk to you tomorrow instead?”
(Sometimes, a white lie or two is needed to preserve our sanity…oops!)
You can also text the above scripts to the person who flouts your boundaries.
Texting is good if you don’t like confrontation.
Or if the other person is aggressive and may attack you back.
We don’t want to be bullied into submission!
Habit #3: Be around SUPPORTIVE people
It is crucial to spend time with positive and uplifting people.
Check your feelings after meeting up with someone.
Do you feel drained, exhausted and uninspired?
Or do you feel joyful, motivated and in high spirits?
Don’t spend too much time with people who don’t care for your privacy or those who don’t respect you when you say ”Not now.”
It doesn’t matter if you have been friends for 20 years. If a friend does not respect a simple “No”, it’s time to relax the friendship a bit.
Habit #4: Be Comfortable with Not Explaining Yourself
This requires massive self-esteem.
You don’t have to explain yourself if you don’t want to. Please don’t!
If the person is pushy and keeps asking “Why don’t you want to tell me?”, you can laugh it off and say “I’ll tell you next time.” And then change the subject.
If you are gutsy, you can say something along the lines of: “I don’t think I want to share personal matters right now.”
You have the right not to answer questions you don’t want to.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation.
Again, a white lie may be needed if the other party is extremely pushy.
Or if you have to answer an unwanted question in front of an audience (I feel sorry for you).
Habit #5: Accept that Some People will STILL be Offended and Disappear
When we put our foot down or show our authentic self, some people will flee from our lives.
That is okay, because they are the ones we don’t have a genuine friendship with, in the first place.
We want to be with friends and family who love us for our true selves. And respect our likes and dislikes.
Your true friends will understand your boundaries.
Selfish friends and family will test your boundaries all the time.
You will lose friends by setting boundaries but that is when you find out who your true friends are.
My last thoughts on setting boundaries
If you need to kick start your boundary-setting, you can download my Set Healthy Boundaries printable below.
If you want to know 5 habits of self-loving women, read this blog post.
Meanwhile, have a good week.
Shikah
