The 5-Item Checklist for a Stronger, More Resilient Child

We’ve heard of this phrase many times : “Change is the only constant.”

Our children – especially teens – experience changes every day.

Life will throw curve balls at them, plans may not go as planned and unpredictable things happen. At the same time, wonderful things happen every day as well!

It’s not enough that they face changes in school and even at home, they are also evolving mentally, emotionally and physically on a rapid level.

They may not be able to handle an avalanche of changes and challenges. But, they can be better prepared with the 2-Step Strategy and The 5-item Checklist for a Stronger, More Resilient Child.

The 2-Step Strategy

1.Be less rigid and more fluid

Tell your child that change is normal. As time passes, things, events and people will change. Expect and accept change as part of life. Nothing in life will remain the same.

Instead of wanting people and things to remain the same, they have to be open-minded and flexible. This means they will be quick-thinking and quick-acting when something happens. Lower their expectations and be open that sometimes things don’t go as planned – and that’s normal.

Just roll with it and go with the flow.

2. Change Means New Adventures

If your child or teen has a ‘catastrophic’ mindset and thinks that every change is a disaster, encourage him to re-frame his mindset.

This means to view the change from a different angle.  Get him/her to write down the lessons he or she has learnt from this change.

Your child can go one step further and complete The 5-item Checklist for a Stronger, More Resilient Child below.

The 5-item Checklist for a Stronger, More Resilient Child

a. Is the change a wake-up call for me to do something differently?

b. Will the change open up more opportunities for me to grow and learn?

c. How will this change make me a stronger, confident person?

d. How can the change benefit me?

e. What have I learnt from this change?

You can also download The 5-item Checklist for a Stronger, More Resilient Child for your child here.

All the best!

How to let your Child be in Control of his or her Own Success

Jack Canfield calls this one formula ‘The Formula Which Puts You In Control of Success.’

What is this formula? It is the Events + Response = Outcome formula.

How can you use the Events + Response = Outcome formula to transform your child into a super achiever in school and in life?

Let’s say an ugly ‘Event’ occurs – your child’s school decided to set a difficult Maths mid-year exam paper this year.

The ‘Outcome‘? Your child scored a disappointing C5 in the Maths exam.

Both you and him are upset about it. You’ve enrolled him in Maths tuition twice a week (and spent lots of money!) and yet, both of you are not getting the B3 grade that you desire.

Your child can choose to ‘Respond’ in the following ways:

1. Give up on Maths entirely because ‘Maths is too hard, anyway’.
2. Approach his Maths teacher proactively after school for extra coaching
3. Form a study group with Maths-savvy friends after school to do homework together
4. Spend an extra 3 hours every week doing Maths assessment books
5. Get motivated to work harder and smarter in Maths
6. Get angry and blame his Maths teacher for being a lousy teacher
7. Get angry with the Maths HOD for setting a  difficult exam paper
8. Believe that he is born bad with numbers and equations

…..and so on.

Many of us like to blame other people, the weather, astrological signs, the bad school environment, the lousy teacher, the difficult exam papers and so on for our unwanted ‘Outcomes‘. (refer to #1, 6, 7 & 8 above)

That is not empowering at all!

What do Super-Achievers do differently?

Smart teens and children change their ‘Responses‘ to unwanted ‘Events‘ until they get the ‘Outcomes‘ they want.

This means: your child can choose to do #2, 3, 4 or 5 above (modify his ‘Responses‘ and actions) instead of slamming external circumstances until he gets the ‘Outcome‘ he wants (which is, a B3 in a future Maths exam).

Let’s face it – we can only change our thoughts, our actions and our behaviour anyway.

We can’t change other people, we can’t change the school’s decisions, magically transform the difficult exam paper etc, so we might as well focus on things within our control.

Make your Child (and yourself) Feel Empowered in Life

So if your child did not get a desired ‘Outcome‘ in any part of his life, sit down with him or her and brainstorm ways for you both to achieve the desired ‘Outcome’ together.

You can start the activity with: ‘Let’s brainstorm ways for us to push your grade from a C5 to B3 in 3 months.’

After this activity, praise even the smallest improvements in your child’s actions or ‘Responses‘ – small changes lead to big changes in future.

All the best.

We’ve heard of SMART goals…but what is a ‘Stretch Goal’?

Time and time again, we’ve been told that goals have to be SMART: Specific, Measurable,Achievable, Realistic & Time-bound.

However, I discovered a new concept today which is called setting ‘Stretch Goals’.

What is a ‘Stretch Goal’?

This requires you to stretch the ‘Realistic’ part a little.

When coaching or motivating your child at home, get your child or teen to set a seemingly wild aim for his exam results. For example, to jump from a D7 in Maths to B3 by the end of 2017.

Your child (and most probably, you as well) will be stretched to think creatively, work effectively and do things out of the box to achieve this.

We are programmed to aim incrementally. “Okay, let’s jump from a D7 to a C6 first… and then a C5 and so on”.

Try setting a high goal and see how creative both you and your child can get and all the shortcuts you take to achieve that. It will push your child beyond his or her existing limits.

Even if you don’t reach that coveted B3, your child would have reached the highest potential he could within a period of, say, 8 months. Not bad, right?

Set Stretch Goals with your child for his or her exam results (or test results) today and get the magic going.