(Free Printable) How to Overcome Fear 1 Step at a Time

Stress and fear trigger the fight-or-flight response in us.

It’s tempting to skip all situations which make us stressed or anxious.

However, this is not helpful. Whenever you are put in the same types of situation, the same anxiety and fear will creep up.

Avoiding a stressful or fearful situation will give us relief from feelings of anxiety and stress.

But, if we continue avoiding such situations, our brains will link avoidance with anxiety relief.

The result?

We continue avoiding those stressful or fearful situations for ALL of our lives.

How to use The Bravery Ladder to Overcome Fear Slowly

I have a mindset tool (The Bravery Ladder) which you can use.

Experts recommend 'graded exposure' which means, experiencing your stressful situations one baby step at a time.

For example: Let’s say Linda has a fear of public speaking. Let’s see how we can use ‘graded exposure’ using The Bravery Ladder method.

Ask Linda to write her LEAST FEARED activity at Level 1 leading all the way up to the MOST FEARED activity at Level 6 (which is public speaking).

You can look at the example below.

Linda can expose herself to the Level 1 activity first for 4-5 times a week.

Or until her anxiety about the Level 1 activity reduces to about 50%. Whichever comes first.

Then she will move on to the Level 2 activity (which is, giving a presentation in front of the sister). Similarly, she will do this 4-5 times a week or until her anxiety for this Level 2 activity dies down by 50%. Whichever comes first.

This will go on until she reaches Level 6.

As you can see, this method takes time. It's definitely not a quick fix.

The outcome for this tool is to confront stressful or feared situations gradually until feelings of stress and anxiety dip.

Now is your turn to share The Bravery Ladder to overcome your own fear.

I've created a blank The Bravery Ladder worksheet for you. You can download it below.

Hope it helps!

(Free Printable) How to Handle a Stressful Situation

I wrote this entry because I am surrounded by friends who are stressed.

My friends are working in high-flying jobs which take up a lot of their energy and time.

They have Sunday blues. Some go for short getaways almost every weekend to ‘escape’ the stress.

I know there are some of us who ‘beat ourselves up’ when we make mistakes.

We get self-critical, unforgiving and start having unworthy thoughts when mistakes happen.

I have a mindset worksheet here which helps you reframe your thoughts when you experience something stressful.

It’s helpful for that occasional time when you ‘screw up’, make mistakes and start having downward-spiralling thoughts.

 

4 Step-by-Step Actions to Handle a Stressful Situation

Our feelings are controlled by our thoughts.

To change unpleasant feelings to happier, more uplifting feelings, we need to change our thoughts.

How do we do that?

Not to worry, I’ve created the Pause Perfectionism Worksheet (click to download) to make it easier for you.

I named it Pause Perfectionism because self-critical thoughts are partly caused by perfectionism.

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The above is an example of how to complete the Pause Perfectionism Worksheet.

You can download the Pause Perfectionism Worksheet below.

There are 4 sections to this worksheet and each section requires action from you.

Action Step 1: Pinpoint the Problem

What is the situation causing you to be self-critical?

You did not finish a project on time?

Your colleagues laughing or being critical of your idea during a meeting?

Your boss telling you your presentation was not up to standard?

Your client got angry because he or she was not satisfied with your work?

Your colleagues giving you ‘constructive feedback’ about your work?

Action Step 2: Acknowledge your Feelings about the situation

Be honest with yourself. (Don’t be in denial.)

Write down in the Feelings column if you feel ashamed, angry, hurt, vulnerable.

Some of us feel uncomfortable admitting that we feel ashamed and hurt.

If so, ask yourself: “Why  am I uncomfortable admitting that I feel hurt/ embarrassed/ like a failure?”

Is it because you think admitting to your feelings is a sign of weakness?

On the contrary, it takes strength to be vulnerable in front of others and risk being seen as a wimp.

Action Step 3: What Self-critical Thoughts are causing those feelings?

Feelings are controlled by thoughts.

If you can reframe your thoughts, you can change your feelings. It sounds simple, but it’s not easy to do.

You have to dig deep and identify your perfectionistic thoughts linked to your feelings.

Write those self-critical thoughts in the Self-Critical Thoughts column.

For example:

“My superior thinks I’m lousy.”

“Can’t believe I’m making mistakes again. Very typical. Always making mistakes.”

“They didn’t give me that project because they don’t think I’m capable enough to handle it.”

“My superior praised me today because he was in a good mood - my work wasn’t that great.”

“I did my best, but it’s still not good enough. I’m incompetent. I think I’m the slowest worker in the office. Maybe my colleagues are talking about me behind my back! That is so embarrassing - I can’t face anyone like this.”

For me, I’ve always linked mistakes with being useless.

I was brought up thinking we have to be productive every single time, which is common for Asian cultures.

I hated being ‘useless’ or a deadweight anywhere.

I’ve come a long way in embracing my own self-worth which is still an ongoing journey for me.

But that’s another topic for another time.

Action Step 4: Replace those self-critical thoughts with New Forgiving Thoughts

Looking at matters from a big perspective helps.

If your boss said your presentation sucked, it could be that you were distracted by things happening in your personal life. Thus, you were not focused at work.

Or maybe you did a shoddy job because you were too busy to prepare the presentation at length. You said ‘yes’ to too many requests and had too much on your plate.

Maybe you did not get work done because you wanted it to be ‘perfect’. You were waiting for the ‘perfect’ time when you have all your materials ready before starting. Hence, you procrastinated.

It’s not because you are incompetent!

Or maybe...your boss was not in a good mood that day. ;)

Create new self-loving thoughts to replace those self-critical ones.

Some examples:

“Making mistakes is common. Even (insert competent colleague’s name) has made mistakes before. I can do a better job next time!”

“I’m being self-critical right now. Time to step back, take a few deep breaths and steady my thoughts.”

You should feel lighter, breathe easier and feel calmer after embracing those self-loving and forgiving thoughts.

Download the Pause Perfectionism Worksheet

To help you transform and be less harsh on yourself at work, you can download the Pause Perfectionism Worksheet I’ve prepared below.

Also, share this article with your friends and followers if you find this useful - and help them to handle stress too!

Don't do something that scares you - just for the sake of doing it

“Do one thing which scares you everyday.” No, please don’t.

Do something which scares you only if you genuinely want to do it.

If you are fearful of public speaking but still feel excited to try it out, then go ahead!

But if you are scared of public speaking and you dread, fuss over it, hate it with no hint of excitement or joy anywhere, then postpone it if you can.

You won’t gain or learn much forcing yourself to do something you have genuinely no desire to do.

Motivation

To motivate yourself, set exciting goals

Most of us don’t take action & go after our goals because they don’t excite us.

Set exciting goals which fire up our passion and drive! 

We might not reach that outlandish goal of ours.

But we would have pushed ourselves to the maximum.

And at least ended up in a much better position than before. 

If you have perfectionistic tendencies and find it hard to set realistic and flexible goals, you can download the Pause Pefectionism Cheatsheet below to help you feel calm in a flash when you are being self-critical. :)

Hope it helps! 

(Free Printable) 3 Actions to Overcome Perfectionism & Feel Relaxed

I’ll be sharing 3 practical actions to overcome perfectionism and feel less overwhelmed.

“I’m such a perfectionist, I hate myself.”

I can’t believe I had this thought in my head 3 days ago. Talk about chronic perfectionism.

I wanted to write a blog post that day but the thought of putting together the perfect helpful blog post + perfect worksheet + perfect images made me paralysed and not move.

“Perfection is a Fairy Tale”

Thank you www.dailyfemme.com for this quote.

I will start by listing 7 obvious signs of perfectionism.

If you know that you are a perfectionist already, I’ve prepared a cheatsheet below which will help tone down your perfectionistic thoughts and feel more relaxed, fast.

7 Obvious Signs of Perfectionism

1. Black and white thinking

For example: “If I can’t get this blog post right, might as well not do it at all.” or “If I can’t prepare this (free) presentation properly, might as well not do it. If I want to share and conduct a presentation - even if it’s voluntary - it must be done properly.”

2. Obsessing over small ‘mistakes’

For example: “I should not have Whatsapped my superior that joke I saw on Facebook! It’s such a lame joke. He might think that I’m being too friendly. It’s so embarrassing, I can’t face him now. He might think I’m hitting on him.Oh sh*t, I need to correct this mistake right now.

3. Procrastinating

For example: Putting off writing a blog post like this one because it requires too much effort to write a solid blog post which strikes emotions of readers, has an engaging storyline, has pretty Pin-worthy images, a helpful worksheet to download etc

4. Critical of others and self

For example: “He can’t even come to our meeting punctually that one time. How can he be giving us a presentation on work discipline next week?” Or “He is volunteering to give this presentation to us. It’s so basic. If he wants to present something, do in-depth research and do it properly.”

5. Anxiety due to perceived lack of control

For example: Shortness of breath when your mind clouds with details of a project you want to do. Coupled with a quickening of your heartbeat.

6. Do you hope for success or fear of failure?

For example: When you start a new project, are you working hard on it because you are hoping for it to be a success? Or are you working hard on it because you are scared it will be a flop? The latter is perfectionism at work

7.Obsessing over small decisions

For example: Taking a long time to make a guess when playing a fun game with friends because you want to be right. Or getting upset when your boyfriend/husband buys the “wrong” chicken part at the supermarket.

How do you overcome perfectionism and feel more relaxed? I’ve prepared a cheatsheet which helps you to reduce your perfectionistic thoughts fast.

3 Ways to Overcome Perfectionism

1. View your ‘problem’ from someone else’s point of view

Problem: You plan to finish writing a solid article or a solid work report within 2 hours but did not manage to do so.

Your perfectionistic thought: “I’m hopeless as usual  - can’t even stay focused to finish this report in 2 hours as planned. Such a lazy bum. Always distracted. I’m never going to get anything worthwhile done by the deadline.”

Actions to take:

How would you comfort a friend who is facing this same ‘problem’? You are likely going to be kinder on your friend than on yourself. Why not be kind to yourself as well?

How would (insert name of a level-headed friend) view this ‘problem’? Your level-headed friend might conclude that she is currently stressed or tired and thus, could not be productive as expected. She might choose to switch off her laptop, go spend time with her loved ones to recharge and return to the report later in the day.

How would you explain why you are facing this ‘problem’?  Perhaps you didn’t have proper sleep last night, thus affecting your concentration today. Perhaps you have too many tasks on hand. Maybe you are just having an ‘off’ day due to personal problems. It's not because you are incompetent!

2. Tone down your nasty critical thoughts

Based on the example above: Instead of labelling yourself as “hopeless”, “always distracted”, be kinder to yourself. No one is expecting perfection out of you - only you do.

Balance your critical thoughts with:

“Everyone has an ‘off’ day at times.”

“It’s normal not to be productive every single day. Even robots need their ‘rest’.”

“Everybody makes mistakes. Mistakes are not life-threatening.”

3. Risk making more mistakes

If you are a perfectionist, you are going to freak out by this suggestion.

Risk making more mistakes means taking, say, 2 hours to prepare a presentation when you would normally take 5 hours.

Rehearsing your presentations only 1 time instead of rehearsing 10 times.

Allowing yourself to make small mistakes in your daily life instead of over-preparing every darn thing.

Ditch the shopping list when grocery shopping (this actually makes me feel nervous!).

The point of all these actions is to go with the flow, be more spontaneous and think on your feet when the time calls for it.

Thinking on your own feet and being spontaneous makes you feel more alive and relaxed as opposed to over-preparing and following a ‘script’ or rigid to-do list.

Try it!

What is the ideal transformation for a perfectionist?

We are striving to enjoy the process instead of just achieving goals and outcomes. Ask for help when you need it - admit that we can’t do it all (and shouldn’t) for the sake of our mental health.

Set realistic goals which are flexible and adjust when needed. Don’t set rigid demands and goals on yourself - situations and circumstances can change. Might as well be adaptable.

We also hope to recover easily from mistakes and not beat ourselves up for a mistake we made many years ago (which other people probably don’t care or don’t remember).

To help you transform and be more relaxed and less harsh on yourself, you can download the cheatsheet I’ve prepared below.

"Sometimes, perfectionists need to practice making mistakes so that they can learn for themselves that it is not life threatening."

Share this article with your friends to help them with perfectionistic thoughts as well!

Shikah