3 Key Self Care Habits to Treat Yourself Well

self care 2

I know people who will cringe if I told them that I wanted to rest and do nothing today.

“Didn’t you just ‘do nothing’ last Monday?”

“What do you do on most days such that you need so much rest?”

“Why not do something useful?”

Well, taking care of myself is something useful.

But this is a concept that some women are still uncomfortable with.

Self-Care is not Selfish – it Makes Us a Better Employee, Wife, Mother

Being a new mother saps up a lot of my energy. 

But, I notice that when I do certain activities such as the ones below, my energy skyrockets, I feel buzzed, I feel enthusiastic.

Your self-care list will look different from mine, but a snapshot of my self-care list is below:

• Meeting, chatting and laughing with my girlfriends
• Getting my hair done at a salon
• Getting my monthly 2-hour facials
• Taking my time to do my makeup (when I look good, I feel good)
• Publishing a satisfying blog post at 630am in the morning
• Having a nice, warm bath
• Reading a lighthearted chick-lit book
• Yoga at home (you can do a Youtube search for 'Yoga with Adrienne')
• A walk in nature with my little one
• Going for a date with my husband

You'll notice that you feel lighter and even have a small smile on your face.

And you have enthusiasm out of nowhere after doing activities which make you feel so darn good.

Much of the tiredness we feel is mental stress. (70,000 thoughts running through our minds everyday. Over-thinkers have it worse)

So, after looking after our minds and bodies, we'll be recharged enough to perform our duties - better than before.

So self-care is not selfish.

3 Key Self Care Habits to Treat Yourself Well

1. Self-Care and Social Media

We spend way too much time on IG and Facebook.

So be mindful of people you are 'friends' with and people you 'follow' on these platforms.

All of us definitely have a Facebook 'friend' or two who likes to criticise others on their 'wall', have sinister motives of being 'friends' with you or people who like to not-so-humble brag ;)

If you feel irritated with their posts, just 'unfollow' them (or 'unfriend' if you want to get drastic).

You are supposed to have fun on social media, not feel down.

Actually, a touch of 'bragging' - just a touch - of your achievements on Facebook or IG can give you great esteem-like feelings. 

It might even inspire your friends.

Some posts will also trigger insecurities and make you compare yourself with that person. 

Similarly, unfollow or unfriend. :)

You can 'follow' or re'friend' that person once you are in a better mental space to handle other people who have lives that you envy.

Oh, and do remember that the perfect pictures we see on IG take a lot of curation.

Posing, snapping a hundred shots to get a good one, climbing up on a chair to take a flatlay snap, juggling the iPhone in an awkward position to get that perfect shot....

The picture looks perfect, but I'll bet the behind-the-scenes situation is not.

What does this mean?

A person's seemingly perfect life on social media is maybe just 30% of what is going on in their real lives.

I'm not saying that everyone has a terrible life.

But everyone has her own unique circumstances and unique problems.

So there is no point envying another person's IG feed. ;)

2. Self-care for Bad Feelings

When we feel sad, hurt or angry, some of us choose to suppress those feelings or ignore them.

Well, the feelings will go away faster if we sit with them.

What this means is...

• we acknowledge that we are feeling hurt at that time
• allowing ourselves to sink into that feeling (warning: it feels awful)
• cry if you want to
• it might take a week or as fast as 3 minutes for the feeling to dissipate

The point is not to ignore your 'bad' feelings or be in denial. The first step to change is to admit that we have an issue.

Also, notice if you are distracting yourself by indulging in excessive eating, shopping and surfing the Net.

3. Self-Care in Under 10 minutes

If you need a quick self-care break, you can do the following:

• go out and take a walk to clear your mind
• watch an inspirational video on Youtube 
• take a quick shower
• apply a few drops of your favourite essential oil on your wrists and collarbone and enjoy its scent.
• phone a trusted person for a chat
• some stretching exercises
• 'coffee meditation' : make a good cup of coffee, sit somewhere alone and savour the aroma and every sip. With no phones, no TV, no books nearby.
• plan a trip somewhere
• plan a surprise party for a friend / family member 
• nap
• meditate 
• surf a website or forum that you enjoy
• look up for recipes which you would enjoy cooking that day
• do something nice for a loved one
• research on a new restaurant you can try this weekend
•  

The above is a simple checklist.

But if you try any  of the above activities (which resonate with you), it should lift your mood and recharge you.

Sometimes we forget that life is wonderful when we feel good.

We are used to being told that 'life is hard', 'no pain, no gain', 'we must endure things we hate' (why though??), 'we must serve ALL our clients even those who don't appreciate us', and the constant 'we should do this...', ' we must do that...'.

Our emotions are our compass in life.

If we feel bad or lousy doing something, chances are, we should be doing something else.

I like to remind people that you are good the way you are. Listening to your sister rant about the bad day she had or helping your mother with something gives them the emotional support they need.

"Just for a while, be open to the possibility that there is nothing wrong with you." - Cheri Huber

See you in the next article.

(Free Workbook) 7 Secrets to Build High Self-Esteem and Feel Empowered

7 powerful ways to build high self-esteem and feel confident and empowered.

Low self-esteem is not a problem only faced by teenagers and youngsters.

There are many adults today - even in their golden years - who don't have high self-esteem.

This is sad because low self-esteem can make our relationships suffer, we are constantly envying other people and make us feel lousy about ourselves. 

It's time to change that!

If you need a shortcut, you can download my Self-Esteem Workbook below.

Good self-esteem will make us feel great about ourselves

I'm sure you know a person or 2 who are comfortable in their own skin.

They don't crumble when people criticise them unjustly. They are comfortable saying 'I'm sorry' when they are wrong. And they are confident of their own talents. They can laugh at themselves.

 

The wonderful thing about high self-esteem is that it gives us

• more success at work

• we seem more attractive to our partners

• we don't need others' approval

• life seems more bright and joyful and less gloomy

• we feel great about ourselves

Where did our low self-esteem come from?

If you are curious to know how low or high your self-esteem is, you can try this self-esteem test.

Honestly, I don't think it's our fault entirely if we have low self-esteem. 

That's because the way our parents brought us up, had a HUGE impact on our self-esteem.

• Were you expected to be 'perfect' when you were young?

• Were you harshly criticised if you had a big dream or wanted something badly?

• Were you constantly compared to other kids?

• Have you 'failed' at achieving something (eg: losing a game, scoring a D in an exam) and made to feel as though you were a complete failure as a person?

The above are some examples of how our parents might have unknowingly stumped our self-esteem.

If you want a quick boost of self-esteem, my Raise Self-Esteem Now worksheet can help!

7 Strategies to Build Our Self-Esteem

Strategy #1: Accomplish more

I'm not referring to accomplishing something as big as winning an award or getting a medal at some sports event.

We can set small goals, pursue the small goals and achieve them. Once we've achieved our goals - be it small or big goals - we will have esteem-like feelings.

Make sure that the goals you set bring satisfaction to yourself. Don't set goals to please another person or to get praise!

Do you know what's interesting?

Bragging a little bit of our accomplishments on Facebook or Instagram can also boost our self-esteem.

Just don't overdo it ;)

Strategy #2: Be Aware of Your Talents

This might seem obvious to some of us.

But low self-esteem people are not aware or choose to ignore their strengths. 

If you put pen to paper and list your strengths and talents, you will be surprised that your list is longer than you thought.

Or, you can get a trusted person to list your strengths.

You will get insight into your talents you were not aware of!

Strategy #3: Treat yourself like a worthy person

This is where self-care comes in.

Pamper yourself with a massage. A warm bath. Diffuse some essential oils (geranium essential oil brings out feelings of self-love if you are into the metaphysical). Play with a pet or child. Journal. Exercise. Dine at your favourite place.

Basically do activities which make you feel awesome.

These feel-good activities will send signals to your mind that you are a valuable person worthy of nice things in life.

Strategy #4: Fake it till you make it

Is there a celebrity whom you admire because she is so confident of herself during interviews?

Or someone you know personally?

We can model their body language.

Confident people tend to shake hands firmly, make eye contact, speak clearly and stand tall.

When we adopt their body language, people will treat us with respect which in turn, makes us feel confident.

I admire Queen Rania of Jordan. She gently draws boundaries when meeting people in public places, whilst maintaining a smile on her face and very polite body language. Even when unknown women rush to hug her at events.

Jennifer Lopez is another celebrity who is a master in people skills.

She can answer awkward interview questions with jokes, she laughs at herself and effortlessly makes herself seem humble.

Whether she is truly like that in real life or not, we are not sure. But it's a well-honed skill.

If you want a shortcut to building your self-esteem, you can always download my Self Esteem Workbook below.

Strategy #5: Talk & spend time with high self-esteem people

I can’t stress this enough. Hanging out with positive people makes us feel good.

They help us to re-frame any problem we have as something that will pass.

High self-esteem people will make us feel energised and recharged after hanging out with them.

They are open to admit any mistakes or 'failures' they've had.

And they will still be supportive of us when we make mistakes ourselves. 

In short, they accept us for who we are, flaws and all.

Hold on to these people tightly. 

Strategy #6: Be Kind to Yourself

I like a quote I came across recently: "You can't get life wrong because there's no such thing as getting life right."

Everybody makes mistakes. Successful people make even more mistakes than the average person.

When we 'fail' at something, focus on tweaking our strategies.

'Failures' are feedback that our strategies need tweaking.

'Failures' have nothing to do with us as a person. So don't beat ourselves up when we “fall”.

STRATEGY #7: Tame the inner critic

All of us have inner critics.

These pesky little things will negate our talents.

Inner critic example: "My superior praised my work today. I think he was just being polite. Or maybe he is in a good mood. I'm sure my work wasn't that fantastic."

We can reframe it with: "I feel good that my superior praised my work today. It may not be perfect, but I did the best I could. I feel proud for pushing myself."

I know of a successful businessman who has an unorthodox approach to this.

He visualises his inner critic as an iguana (of all things!). He said that all of us have these 'iguanas' living in our minds.

When negative self-talk starts in his mind, he will shrug it off as the 'iguana' blabbering (yet again).

This is one creative way we can separate our negative self-talk from ourselves. 

Please remember that changes in habit or mindset takes time. :)

My last thoughts on building high self-esteem:

We will not be a confident superstar immediately after applying all the 7 strategies above.

If we've been having low self-esteem for years, we can't just switch to being a confident person in 1 day.

Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to change.

You can learn more strategies to build high self-esteem from my blog posts such as:

• (Free Test) Do you have mild, moderate or severe low self-esteem? Find out now.

• These 5 Self Belief Habits will Boost Your Confidence

• (Free Printable) Raise Your Self-Esteem Now

And if you want a step-by-step guide to help you be that confident woman at work, download the Self-Esteem Workbook below:

Have a good week!

Shikah