(Free Worksheet) How to Stay Positive when Facing a Problem

A few weeks ago, I received an email from one of my readers whom I will call ‘Carrie’.

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There is a lot more to her email, but I will address 1 issue first: her mindset about her autoimmune disease.

Carrie is an attractive woman in her late 30s.

She feels inconvenienced by her autoimmune disease and it has held her back from living the kind of life she wants. 

She also wants a relationship badly, but it does not seem to be happening right now.

I racked my brain thinking about a shortcut to make women like Carrie feel positive when life throws lemons at us.

In short, we need a mindset shift. 

The Stay Positive Mindset Shift worksheet

This worksheet sounds simple. But trust me, it can change your perspective and make you feel empowered almost instantly.

When to apply this Stay Positive Mindset Shift worksheet:

I will recommend you to do this exercise AFTER you have accepted the unwanted event(s) in your life.

Don’t do this exercise when you are still feeling raw, in pain or in grief. We want our answers to be objective in this exercise.

How to do this Stay Positive Mindset Shift worksheet:

If you best friend has the same problem as you, how would you help her complete this worksheet?

That is one way to help you visualise how to use this worksheet.

Sometimes, we have to be downright creative. If you have a really bad problem, dig deep and be as creative as you can to find its positive aspects. Or get a good friend to help you with this exercise.

You can revisit this worksheet and re-do it again as the months pass.

Your perspective may change as time goes on. It’s quite interesting to see how our mindset and perspective shift over time.

An example for you

For this Stay Positive Mindset Shift worksheet, you will be required to list 3 positive points for every issue that you have.

For Carrie, these are 3 positive points about her health issue:

Positive #1: Her health issue has led her to live a healthier lifestyle. She has to be gluten-free, vegan and exercise regularly. Her body will thank her in the long run.

Positive #2: Carrie feels very motivated to chase her personal goals. She may realise that life is short and she feels inspired to start the activities which she has procrastinated upon all these years.

Positive #3: Carrie may learn to be more present and be in the moment. This will lead her to enjoy life more and be more relaxed.

There are many ways to be creative with this exercise.

To help you stay positive when facing life’s problems, you can download the Stay Positive Mindset Shift worksheet below:

If you want to share a mindset or self-esteem issue that you have, you can click the button below:

I will address it in my blog post or email newsletter if time permits! (your name and details will be confidential, of course).

Have a good week!

Shikah

How to be Assertive when Communicating and Voice Your Opinions Confidently

These are 5 habits for assertive communication for introverts with self-esteem issues.

Some of us shy away from communicating ‘assertively’.

If we are not confident enough, we get nervous voicing our opinions.

Then again…what we are we nervous about?

Most likely afraid of losing friendships, getting into arguments and people thinking our viewpoint is stupid.

(Especially when we surround ourselves with domineering personalities who always think they are right and have no qualms putting down other people’s smart opinions. Ugh.)

If you want a shortcut to raising your self-esteem, I have 14 activities you can try out. You can download the list below.

By the way, if you want something actionable and love yoga, you might find this Throat Chakra Yoga helpful in helping you (in a more new-age sense).

Join me for this 21 minute yoga practice designed to balance your energetic and physical body. In this session, we bring focus to the 5th Chakra or the Throat Chakra, an area the body that asks us to find our voice and snuggle up closer to our truth.

So what are the 5 habits of assertive communication?

Habit 1: Know that your opinions are worthy

Your opinions are as valid as anyone else’s.

It does not matter if you do not have a high-ranking position at work or if you are still young.

Your opinions should still be respected.

Besides, if you are around people with classy behaviour, they will usually respect your opinions, even if they don’t agree with it.

(And that’s ok. There are 7.7 billion people on this planet - not everyone is going to agree with us!)

So communicate assertively all you want.

If you are around non-classy people…well, they will scorn your opinions and then make fun of you behind your back. You know who they are. Time to stop hanging out with them.

I should also point out that there is a difference between communicating assertively and being aggressive.

If you are assertive, it means that you hold strongly to your opinions BUT you still respect other people’s different points of view.

And no, we do not put down another person’s opinion or insist that our opinion is ‘the right one’.

Don’t be that girl.

Habit #2: Use words such as ‘we’ and ‘I’

If you have some self-confidence issues, you will feel better using ‘we’ and ‘I’ when you are not happy with something.

For example: “I think we can work on this to make it better”, “Let’s improve on this. We can…” or “The steak is not done the way I ordered it…can I have a replacement please?”

Also add ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ when necessary.

And use a question to get someone to do something for you. (“Can you help me to XYZ please? Thanks very much!”)

I have to add that some people are nasty by nature and will step all over you when you are cordial.

That is when you can 1) not reply the person 2) be less cordial (“Thanks for your input. I want this and this to be done. Thank you!”).

I would personally choose not to reply if someone is being nasty to me. Don’t feed the negativity. Your mental health and peace is more important.

Habit #3: Assume positive intent

When we are angry, sometimes we jump immediately to assuming the worst in people.

This is especially true for some of us who have lower self-esteem.

”He purposely ignored my message didn’t he?”

“He is definitely ignoring what I want and doesn’t care about my needs.”

When we are angry and want to voice out our frustration, it’s good to be factual.

For example:

”I don’t like waiting for 30 minutes. It was tiring for me.”
“I was waiting for your reply last night.”

As always, avoid using ‘you’. Use lots of ‘I’ and ‘we’.

(Note that my tactics are for women who are introverted with some self-worth issues.

If you are a passionate woman brimming with confidence, you may be impatient with these tactics)

Also, assume that the other person has no ill intention. (Difficult, I know)

I would say that 90% of the time, people don’t have ill intentions.

They genuinely forgot something. They are truly busy and occupied. They are distracted by other things in their lives.

Habit #4: Embarrassment is not the end of the world

When we voice our opinions, sometimes they are not…right.

Our opinions are still valid and need to be respected. But may be factually wrong at times.

(Like correcting someone’s usage of the word ‘traction’ and then realising that our definition of that word is wrong. True story).

It’s alright to laugh at ourselves. That’s why it’s good to be open to different suggestions when being assertive.

If we are rigid…we will look even more foolish when we make mistakes,yes?

We will make mistakes. That’s a given. But embarrassment is not a big deal - people forget about it faster than we think.

Habit #5: Be comfortable saying ‘No’

Saying ‘no’ is probably very hard for you if you have self-esteem issues. But saying ‘No’ is important to respect our own boundaries.

Remember - our boundaries are as important as other people’s boundaries.

If you are not comfortable doing something for others, you can try saying ‘no’ in these 5 ways:

1. “Can I complete that tomorrow instead?”

2. “I can’t help you with that. But you can call this number for information.”

3. “I need the money right now, so I can’t lend you $5000. Sorry!”

4. “Let me think about it.” (and hopefully the person forgets about the task)

5. “Not right now. Maybe next time.”

The above examples are more indirect in nature.

This makes them perfect for some of us who are struggling with self-confidence.

I can’t suggest for you to be direct and say “No, I can’t do that” firmly if you are in the process of building your self-esteem. It’s good to start slow - be indirect at saying ‘no’ first.

And when our confidence builds up, we can be more direct when someone crosses our boundaries.

My last thoughts on assertive communication..

If you want to be more assertive and wish to have a shortcut to raise your self-esteem, you can download a list 14 self-esteem boosting activities below!

Kickstart your journey to be a self-loving woman.

I created 14 Days of Self-Love because many women lack self-worth.

These short but powerful 14 lessons will shift your mindset to be kinder to yourself.

You will create a brand-new self-loving mindset!

The price is really affordable ($37. For lifetime access. And new material added as time passes.)

Give yourself (or someone you care about) the gift of a self-loving mindset.

Meanwhile, have a good week.

Shikah