How to coach boundary setting : ‘How to say No without hurting someone’s feelings’

Today, we dive into the topic of people-pleasing and how it can be detrimental to our well-being.

I shared five ways for your people-pleasing audience to say No politely and without hurting someone’s feelings.

I understand that saying a flat no can be difficult for recovering people-pleasers, so I’m providing 5 alternative ways to decline requests gently but firmly.

You can watch the video or read the modified transcript below if you wish!

• ✨Read Transcript

  I was seething when this happened many years ago.

  “Okay Shikah,” my lazy colleague flopped herself comfortably on the sofa in our meeting room at my former workplace.

  “You can take notes for this meeting and email them to all of us,” she continued.

  I baulked.

  “No thanks. I think we are capable of writing our own notes,” I retorted calmly.

  Inside, I was burning with anger.

  There she is again. Trying to bully me to do work for her whenever she has a chance, I thought furiously.

  I said No because if I allow someone to ‘make use’ of my kindness once, it will happen again. Usually.

  I am lucky I’ve learnt how to set boundaries at the right time.

  And I feel deeply for people-pleasers who get into a mental tussle whenever someone asks them for a ‘favour’ they dont want to do.

  I created the done for you Overcome People Pleasing masterclass for them and for you to have your own people-pleasing masterclass with the slides and script I’ve done for you.

  And at the same time, help your clients feel more confident while you make money with the masterclass replays.

  You make a difference and get paid for this wonderful transformation - just the way we like it :)

  Anyway, I digress.

  Today, I’m sharing 5 ways for your clients to say No politely.

  For recovering people-pleasers, saying a flat No can feel too harsh.

  So we cushion the No such that your people-pleasing audience feels less saying No to unreasonable tasks.

  Here are 5 ways your people-pleasing clients can say No politely:

  1. “Let me think about it.” If their default answer to every request is Yes, this buys them some time to think through and craft a polite No.

  2. “ I have an appointment later, I cant do that for you today.” I may get shot for this, but I think telling a white lie or two is okay if your clients are in the process of recovering from people pleasing. Just say ‘I cant do that - I have plans after this’ to an undesired request, even if the only plan they have is one with Netflix and chips.

  3. “I can’t do that for you as I’m busy but I can show you how to do it.” If your clients have the time and patience, they can ‘tutor’ the other person how to get that unwanted task done.

  4. “I’m sorry but I can’t promise I can get this done.” This is a very polite way of saying No and hopefully the asker gets the hint and buzzes off.

  5. If your client is sick and tired of this same person asking them for unnecessary favours all the time because they are lazy? A simple “No. I think you are capable of doing that yourself.”

  There you have it. Five ways to say No politely.

  Please share these 5 ways with your audience. In your reels, in your IG ‘lives’ or expand this into a podcast episode. Spread the word.

  If you want a free people-pleasing test to let your audience find out fi they have mild or severe people-pleasing tendencies, head to the show notes or description box.

  And if you want to launch your own people-pleasing masterclass but are too busy to create one yourself, you can get my done-for-you masterclass.

  Thank you for the work you do, Coaches.

Thank you for the work you do, Coaches.

Sincerely,

Shikah

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If you want to launch your own people-pleasing masterclass but too busy to create one yourself, you can take the shortcut and get my done-for-you people-pleasing masterclass.

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In case you are curious about my background…

How rewriting your story and changing your narrative can make you a more productive coach

Today, we're talking about the power of introducing new actions to change our negative ‘stories’ or narratives that hold us back as entrepreneurs.

We’ve all been there - struggling to write emails, social media posts - you name it. If we can introduce new actions into our lives, we can change our narratives very quickly.

Listen or watch my video below to see how I applied this ‘rewriting your story’ technique to become more productive :)

• ✨Read Transcript

  Welcome back to another episode of Mindset with Shikah!

  On today's episode, we're diving into the power of introducing new actions to change our negative narratives and stories that hold us back from being more productive.

  I had the inspired action to share this with you as I was designing a people-pleasing workbook and got distracted. 

  If you are wondering what is holding you back from :

  1) Just pushing yourself a bit more and creating 3 Instagram posts instead of just 1 post in one sitting.

  2) Batch writing emails instead of just writing one email at one sitting (who can relate?)

  … you may just need to introduce a new action or a new habit to change your narrative or the not-so-positive story you’ve been telling yourself. 

  (You can also share this technique to overcome negative narratives with your clients. )

  For the longest time, I had the narrative that “I can only write one meaningful email in one sitting.” I know, it’s nothing to be proud of.

  But I yearn to be more productive and challenge myself to write at least 2 meaningful intentional emails in one sitting.

  So I introduced a new habit : I disciplined myself to write TWO meaningful emails in every sitting. 

  Was it painful for the first few times? Yes!

  But did I continue with it because I truly want to change my narrative? Also yes.

  And now writing two juicy emails in one sitting becomes automatic to me.

  My new narrative is now “I can write two meaningful emails in one sitting.” 😂 

  You may ask me: "Shikah, how long did you take to rewrite this narrative?"

  For me, it took maybe 3 to 4 sessions of writing two emails in one sitting for it to be a new narrative and new habit for me.

  Now I have this new narrative, I want to change other small narratives to make myself a little more productive yet remain largely intentional.

  Is there a small narrative that is holding you back from being a bit more productive? Let me know 🙂

Thank you for all that you do, Coaches.

Sincerely,

Shikah

FREE People Pleaser Test and 9 Prompts to Coach Boundary setting

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Download your own ‘Am I a People-Pleaser?’ quiz and use it as a lead magnet to grow your coaching mailing list

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Watch this blog post here :)

Transcript :

When your clients have had weak boundaries for too long, asking them to suddenly set boundaries can give them a mild anxiety attack.

“How do I even start?”

“Won’t I be seen as a ‘bad’ person?”

“How would I know if I’m setting healthy boundaries or being selfish?"

The last question is one which many people-pleasers battle the most.

Your audience may suspect that they have people-pleasing issues but may not be sure how to set boundaries without being seen as a ‘cold-hearted, selfish prick.’

In Lesson 3 of my brand new done-for-you Overcome People Masterclass, I shared 10 ways for you to coach your clients to say ‘No’ to unreasonable requests and still remain polite.

But first things first : If your clients are torn as to whether they should say Yes or No to a request, they can use these 9 prompts to point them to the right answer.

“Should I say Yes or No to this request?”

Nine prompts to help your clients decide if they should say Yes or No to a request:

1. Do I have the time to do this?

2. What will I have to give up to do this?

3. Will I feel pressured to get it done?

4. Will I be upset with myself after saying yes?

5. Will I resent the person asking if I say ‘yes’?

6. Will I feel duped, had, or coerced?

7. Why am I agreeing? What do I gain from saying ‘yes’? What do I lose if I say ‘yes’?

8. How will I feel as I’m doing this task if I say ‘yes’? Will I feel resentful?

9. If I am a fully confident version of myself, will I still say ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ to this request?

So, what can you do next? 

Record a quick video and share the 9 prompts in your Instagram reels, get some views + help the people-pleasers out there :)

Of course, the best approach is to at least have a 60-minute Zoom masterclass to coach your audience to kick off their people pleasing habits.

If creating a masterclass seems like too much of a headache for you (I feel your pain!)  you can get my done-for-you Overcome People Pleasing masterclass where the slides, workbook and even script are already done for you :) 

So, how will you share the 9 boundary-setting prompts with your audience today? :)

Thank you for all that you do, Coaches.

Sincerely,

Shikah

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✨NEW FOR YOU : Done-for-you Overcome People-pleasing Masterclass

Here’s what you’ll get with this done-for-you masterclass:

• You get 80 well-thought-out Canva slides which I’ve created with my counselling experience, sharp observation and research. I’ve also personally created exercises which work best in a masterclass setting

• You get an accompanying workbook so that your audience remembers the concepts clearly + solidifying your stand as a genuine, effective coach.

• You will get a FULL written script so you will be a smooth presenter during the masterclass.

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Are you a people-pleasing coach or business owner?

Listen to this blog post:

Do you feel obliged to say ‘yes’ to every discount request from your audience? 😄

I was there when I was new in my business.

If you had asked me for discounts back then, you are lucky because I almost always gave away 20% discounts to people who asked for it ;)

I rarely do that anymore, though.

As the years pass, you just become comfortable with your work, your prices and you can politely say ‘no’ to price discount requests which do not feel aligned and not over worry about your income. 

If you are curious to see if you are a people-pleasing business owner, you can listen to my new podcast episode.

It’s ok if you can identify with the 4 signs I talked about.

We are at different stages of life and some of us can overcome fear in a snap, whereas some of us need mindset work for that.

I will also introduce a simple exercise and one powerful word you can use to rewrite your people-pleasing beliefs.

If you want to see the video version which I recorded at my dining table with no fancy setup whatsoever, you can watch the video version here. 😄

That’s all for today.

Take care, blessings and may you enjoy abundance today.

Shikah

Click to download my free coaching tool to help your clients set aligned, achievable goals

FREE creative goal setting coaching tool to help your clients set aligned and achievable goals

For goals to actually work, they have to be aligned with your clients’ personal values and conjure up excitement within them.

Because of that, I have created a goal-setting model which helps your clients set goals which are:

1. Super specific

2. Positive oriented

3. Aligned with their personal values

You can download this free goal-setting coaching tool below and use it as a lead magnet to get more subscribers. You can even use this coaching tool during your 1-1 or group coaching sessions.

I call this model the SPADE goal-setting coaching technique.

• Stands for ‘set specific goals’.

• P is for 'positive oriented’. You may want to encourage your clients to set goals which focus on going somewhere positive. For example, instead of setting goals to avoid ‘being broke’, your clients can be encouraged to set goals to ‘make more income and enjoy more freedom’. Can you feel the difference in energy in both goals? :)

• A is for ‘aligned with your values’

• D is for ‘divide your goals into bite-sized daily actions’. Your clients’ goals can be divided into small daily habits which bring them closer to those goals

• E is for ‘experience your goals with your senses’. Visualisation helps to make your clients’ goals seem real, believable and energetically attract them into their reality

I’ve created this technique with the aim in mind to ensure that the goals set by your clients are aligned and achievable for them.

You can get more goal setting coaching techniques in my brandable, done-for-you goals achieving masterclass.

You may want to create a course or masterclass in future but I know that coaches can get too busy with client work.

That’s where this done-for-you masterclass can help!

This done-for-you masterclass has

• 73 slides

• a full script

• a transcript

• and an accompanying workbook.

Curious? You can see all the 73 slides here:

I hope my offering helps you save time, make more income as a coach and create a positive difference out there.

Sincerely,

Shikah