How to start taking care of yourself without feeling guilty | Self Care for Beginners

People, especially women, tend to feel guilty when they put themselves first.

But…you have to prioritise your own needs and wants at times.

Self care, or taking care of yourself, is not selfish.

If you practise self care often, you’ll have more energy and enthusiasm. This means you’ll be a better partner, worker, parent, friend… etc. Everyone benefits from a more energised, happier You.

I don’t deny that we might have well-meaning friends or family who guilt-trip us and make us feel bad when we want to rest instead of ‘helping’ them do one thing or another.

Sometimes we need to stand our ground – easier said than done.

Because.., if we don’t look after our mental and physical well-being, who will?

So how do I Enjoy Self Care Without all these Guilty Feelings?

If you are a people-pleasing person, this is a tough one. But first, let’s break down why you are a people-pleaser in the first place.

People-pleasers lack some self-worth and fear rejection, but I will elaborate this in a different blog article for another time. 🙂

It’s okay to admit that we might lack self-worth… the first step to improving ourselves is to admit that we have an insecurity or two 🙂

People-pleasers value other people’s wants above their own. Even if people-pleasing Amy knows that Susan is taking advantage of her by, say, asking her to do extra work for her, Amy does it anyway. This can lead to stress and even depression for Amy in the future.

 

Firstly… Shift your mindset – your needs and wants are as important as anybody else’s.

You are not less valuable than anyone else :).

Every one of us is important to our family, friends and the community.

When I was in my early 20s, I used to think that being jobless or not earning a lot of money means someone is less valuable.

Someone who isn’t working might be contributing in other ways. You might not be a rockstar in the community but you matter to your loved ones.

Even chatting to your mother or listening to your sister’s rant is a form of ‘contribution’. You are fulfilling their social and emotional needs 🙂

I like this quote I came across on Youtube.

“If you ask yourself: “Did I make a difference today?” Ask yourself again: “Did I smile at a stranger today?” If you did, then yes, you made a difference.”

 

Tip 2: Take the day off!

Sounds selfish huh? 😉

Well, if we don’t look after our own mental health, no one is going to do it for us.

Taking the day off to recharge means that you will return to work or to your home duties more enthusiastically than before.

Everyone benefits from a happier, more enthusiastic You.

 

Tip 3: Meditation stops overthinking – that’s why it works so well

We’ve heard it a million times – meditation is good for us.

But you might not know how to start.

If you are tech-oriented, you might like apps like Headspace and Calm.

I personally only use Calm when I want to fall asleep fast. 🙂

My favourite meditation is this Feel Good Meditation. I’m not affiliated to the website in any way – I’m just recommending what works for me 🙂

Also, what works for others, might not work for you.

Meditation stops thought – which is great for overthinkers or people who ruminate a lot.

If you’ve tried meditation and it doesn’t help, maybe a more physical relaxation such as running, yoga or walking in nature might be useful.

 

Tip 4: Be present and have a clear mind

What works for me is a walk in nature.

If you don’t feel like moving, you can pop into a cafe (Starbucks or wherever) early on a weekday morning, order a cup of coffee and just calm yourself down with sips of coffee and people watch. Some people call this coffee meditation 😉

Reading in the library or even going to a big and quiet bookstore such as Kinokuniya helps.

Sometimes, just not touching your mobile phone or laptop for an hour or two can do wonders.

If you are working a 9-6 job, some of these are not practical, but that will be another article for another time!

Clear mind = calmer self = better decisions

 

Last tip…Tip 5: Be brave enough to say ‘No’ to unfair or unnecessary requests

I’ll relate a story which happened today as I was writing this very article at Starbucks.

I bought a cappuccino and tapped away – taking a 2-seater table.

After an hour, a server asked me to move to (a less comfortable table) to give way to a family of 3.

In my hazy-minded state, I just moved and got up on one of those uncomfy high stools which I hate.

Upon reflection, I should have said ‘No’ to the server.

I was a customer at a 2-seater table. I had every right to sit at a comfortable 2-seater spot if I wanted.

So… be brave to say ‘No’ when someone makes a rather unfair request 🙂

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I’ll admit that Tips 2 and 5 will still leave some of us with feelings of guilt.

However, we have to refer to Tip 1 and remember that our wants and needs are as important as anyone else’s.

So how do you practise self care? 

Share your tips in the Comments section below! 🙂

And don’t forget to share this article on Facebook if you think your friends will benefit from any of the tips above.

See you in the next article. 🙂

1 Technique to Feel Better (almost) Instantly

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FU8Nf9WQ7yk

In this video, I'll be sharing 1 technique to feel better (almost) instantly.

Our thoughts influence our feelings.

If we want to feel good, we need empowering thoughts. If we are feeling not-so-great, chances are: we are having self-defeating thoughts. Hope this video helps in some way. 🙂

We all hate to be criticised. At some point, we will face criticism – be it at work, in school or even by close family members.

If you are a critical person, chances are you are very hard on yourself and criticise yourself a lot. Being overly-critical does not make us an intelligent person – ironically, it makes us seem uptight and petty. Sooner or later, people will stop hanging out with us because critical people are just not fun to be with.

On the flipside, when we get criticism, we all react differently – some of us will counter attack, some of us will be defensive, whereas the open-minded ones will reflect.

How should we handle criticism in school or at work such that it serves us?

1. Be calm and open

Do not shoot your critic immediately. Be open minded and see whether there is any truth in that criticism.

This is a humbling act. But it expands our minds and if the criticism is true, we can use this opportunity to improve ourselves. It also makes us more aware of our flaws, if the criticism is indeed true.

If you feel angry and upset by the criticism, take about 30 minutes to calm down first before replying or you might say something you regret.

2. Decide if the criticism is fair or unfair

If your critic has your best interest at heart, you can listen to him. If your critic is giving you useless feedback based on his envy, insecurity or lack of knowledge, you can take his criticism with a pinch of salt. It’s just another form of bullying.

3. Get help if needed

Harsh criticism, name-calling, insults, put-downs are a form of bullying and emotional abuse.

Be aware that someone who is constantly bullying other people is someone who was likely to be bullied in the past. A person like this is insecure and gets the feeling of power and superiority by attacking someone whom he sees as quieter, milder or ‘weaker’.

It’s not easy to run away from him if you see him everyday at school or work. Thus, get the help from relevant people if you need to.

In conclusion…

It’s safe to say that some people are critical by nature and nobody and nothing will ever make them happy.

They will always find some nitty-gritty detail to pick on. These people are probably very critical of themselves as well and constantly bullying their own selves inside.

Hopefully we can all accept that making mistakes is part of learning, it’s part of life and be easy on ourselves and be easy on other people as well.

Have a good week.

How to Stop Comparing Ourselves with Others (and be happy where you are)

Comparing ourselves with other people is a natural thing to do. It’s also the fastest way to kill your own happiness. With social media, it’s so easy to compare ourselves with the perfect pictures that other people post online.

So why is it not good for us?

When we compare our own weaknesses with another person’s strength, it’s a losing game.

A person your age might be running a lucrative business and you are not working, for example If you compare yourself with him, you might be beating yourself thinking I should have done this, I should have achieved that, I feel like a failure etc.

Well…you might not be talented at business like your friend, but you might have a gift for something else. So your friend adds value to society by offering his business services whereas you can add value by sharing your talent or skill – be it teaching, cooking, care-giving or anything else.

There is no point comparing yourself with him because you are both likely talented in very different areas.

I have chosen 3 ways for us to stop comparing ourselves with other people.

1. Know yr blessings

This is so cliche, but be aware of your own blessings. There are other people out there who think u are lucky – maybe you have a loving family, a supportive husband, genuine friends, you have well-behaved children or u are doing a job you love. So your friend may be running a multi million dollar business, but you have a group of genuine friends who love u for u are – which your successful friend might or might not have. Everyone is blessed in different ways.

2. Stop Yourself

If you catch yourself comparing yourself with another person, take a deep breath and pause for a bit. Don’t beat yourself up for thinking that way but acknowledge that you are now comparing yourself to your friend Wendy and gently change the focus of your thoughts.

3. Be Happy for Others’ Achievements

It’s easy to feel envious when a friend has achieved something that we secretly want to achieve as well. If you feel envy, it’s good to be upfront and say, ‘I wish I have the same success as you! I’m so envious.’ When you are honest about your envy, it feels as though a weight has been lifted off your shoulders and it’s the first step to improving yourself. Also, celebrate your own successes. Share with trusted people if you feel good about a job promotion, if you have a pay raise and so on.

So essentially, life is not a competition, it doesn’t matter if you are up in the ranks or make the most money or not. Let’s face it – as long as you have people who love you, health, a place to live, food, you are blessed. And I’m sure many of you watching this have all of that and more.

So the 3 steps to stop comparing yourself with others are 1) Know your blessings 2) Stop yourself 3) Be happy for others’ success

Have a good week.

3 Ways to Overcome Indecisiveness and Take Action

https://youtu.be/MroGtRlO4Ug

Feeling indecisive is frustrating.

It makes us stuck and not able to move forward. For some of us, it is due to perfectionism.

We want to make the most ‘perfect’ decision because we are immobilised by fear of failure. So how do we be more decisive?

Number 1: Stop overthinking.

Thinking for a long time does not mean the right answer will come. Instead, take action and adjust along the way. If needed, do a pros and cons list for your options – it helps to clear your mind.

Number 2: Choose a decision which makes you feel happy.

Sometimes we are influnced by other people’s opinions. For eg, you want to be an actress, but your father tells you that you ‘should’ be a teacher because you have a Masters Degree although you are not keen. So making decisions following others’ opinions is not going to work – you can’t unwant what you want.

Sooner or later, you will end up following your heart – might as well do it now.

Number 3: Reframe your thoughts.

This means, instead of being afraid of mistakes, we view mistakes as learning lessons. It’s okay to make the ‘wrong’ decision and fail.

Ask yourself what is the worst that can happen? Can you change your direction if you made the ‘wrong’ decision?

More likely, the outcome of the so-called wrong decision will not be as scary as we think.

I hope the 3 tips are helpful to you. Stop overthinking, choose a decisions which make you feel good and view mistakes as lessons.

Have a good week.