(Free Worksheet) How to Stay Positive when Facing a Problem

A few weeks ago, I received an email from one of my readers whom I will call ‘Carrie’.

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There is a lot more to her email, but I will address 1 issue first: her mindset about her autoimmune disease.

Carrie is an attractive woman in her late 30s.

She feels inconvenienced by her autoimmune disease and it has held her back from living the kind of life she wants. 

She also wants a relationship badly, but it does not seem to be happening right now.

I racked my brain thinking about a shortcut to make women like Carrie feel positive when life throws lemons at us.

In short, we need a mindset shift. 

The Stay Positive Mindset Shift worksheet

This worksheet sounds simple. But trust me, it can change your perspective and make you feel empowered almost instantly.

When to apply this Stay Positive Mindset Shift worksheet:

I will recommend you to do this exercise AFTER you have accepted the unwanted event(s) in your life.

Don’t do this exercise when you are still feeling raw, in pain or in grief. We want our answers to be objective in this exercise.

How to do this Stay Positive Mindset Shift worksheet:

If you best friend has the same problem as you, how would you help her complete this worksheet?

That is one way to help you visualise how to use this worksheet.

Sometimes, we have to be downright creative. If you have a really bad problem, dig deep and be as creative as you can to find its positive aspects. Or get a good friend to help you with this exercise.

You can revisit this worksheet and re-do it again as the months pass.

Your perspective may change as time goes on. It’s quite interesting to see how our mindset and perspective shift over time.

An example for you

For this Stay Positive Mindset Shift worksheet, you will be required to list 3 positive points for every issue that you have.

For Carrie, these are 3 positive points about her health issue:

Positive #1: Her health issue has led her to live a healthier lifestyle. She has to be gluten-free, vegan and exercise regularly. Her body will thank her in the long run.

Positive #2: Carrie feels very motivated to chase her personal goals. She may realise that life is short and she feels inspired to start the activities which she has procrastinated upon all these years.

Positive #3: Carrie may learn to be more present and be in the moment. This will lead her to enjoy life more and be more relaxed.

There are many ways to be creative with this exercise.

To help you stay positive when facing life’s problems, you can download the Stay Positive Mindset Shift worksheet below:

If you want to share a mindset or self-esteem issue that you have, you can click the button below:

I will address it in my blog post or email newsletter if time permits! (your name and details will be confidential, of course).

Have a good week!

Shikah

How to Stop Procrastinating due to Fear of Failure

I will be sharing 5 ways to stop procrastinating due to fear of failure.

If we have low self-esteem, chances are we procrastinate due to fear of failure. We associate mistakes with our value as a person.

In the video below, I will share with you how we can do a mindset shift about our perfectionistic thoughts and practical ways to stop procrastinating in our day-to-day lives.

What you will learn from this video:

• The 1-hour rule to be productive

• Overcoming perfectionistic thoughts + worksheet recommendation

• Tackle the easy or difficult tasks first?

• The best time to do your work

• How not to be fearful of failing

I'll be sharing 5 practical ways to stop procrastinating due to fear of failure. If you are a perfectionist, you may procrastinate because you are fearful of making mistakes!

If you are a perfectionist, the Pause Perfectionism cheatsheet + this overcome perfectionism article will be helpful when you are overwhelmed with perfectionistic thoughts and procrastinating.

Featured in this video:

• 3 Actions to Overcome Perfectionism

• 14 Days of Self-love. Create a self-loving mindset and live life on your own terms

Meanwhile, have a good week!

Shikah

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How to be Assertive when Communicating and Voice Your Opinions Confidently

These are 5 habits for assertive communication for introverts with self-esteem issues.

Some of us shy away from communicating ‘assertively’.

If we are not confident enough, we get nervous voicing our opinions.

Then again…what we are we nervous about?

Most likely afraid of losing friendships, getting into arguments and people thinking our viewpoint is stupid.

(Especially when we surround ourselves with domineering personalities who always think they are right and have no qualms putting down other people’s smart opinions. Ugh.)

If you want a shortcut to raising your self-esteem, I have 14 activities you can try out. You can download the list below.

By the way, if you want something actionable and love yoga, you might find this Throat Chakra Yoga helpful in helping you (in a more new-age sense).

Join me for this 21 minute yoga practice designed to balance your energetic and physical body. In this session, we bring focus to the 5th Chakra or the Throat Chakra, an area the body that asks us to find our voice and snuggle up closer to our truth.

So what are the 5 habits of assertive communication?

Habit 1: Know that your opinions are worthy

Your opinions are as valid as anyone else’s.

It does not matter if you do not have a high-ranking position at work or if you are still young.

Your opinions should still be respected.

Besides, if you are around people with classy behaviour, they will usually respect your opinions, even if they don’t agree with it.

(And that’s ok. There are 7.7 billion people on this planet - not everyone is going to agree with us!)

So communicate assertively all you want.

If you are around non-classy people…well, they will scorn your opinions and then make fun of you behind your back. You know who they are. Time to stop hanging out with them.

I should also point out that there is a difference between communicating assertively and being aggressive.

If you are assertive, it means that you hold strongly to your opinions BUT you still respect other people’s different points of view.

And no, we do not put down another person’s opinion or insist that our opinion is ‘the right one’.

Don’t be that girl.

Habit #2: Use words such as ‘we’ and ‘I’

If you have some self-confidence issues, you will feel better using ‘we’ and ‘I’ when you are not happy with something.

For example: “I think we can work on this to make it better”, “Let’s improve on this. We can…” or “The steak is not done the way I ordered it…can I have a replacement please?”

Also add ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ when necessary.

And use a question to get someone to do something for you. (“Can you help me to XYZ please? Thanks very much!”)

I have to add that some people are nasty by nature and will step all over you when you are cordial.

That is when you can 1) not reply the person 2) be less cordial (“Thanks for your input. I want this and this to be done. Thank you!”).

I would personally choose not to reply if someone is being nasty to me. Don’t feed the negativity. Your mental health and peace is more important.

Habit #3: Assume positive intent

When we are angry, sometimes we jump immediately to assuming the worst in people.

This is especially true for some of us who have lower self-esteem.

”He purposely ignored my message didn’t he?”

“He is definitely ignoring what I want and doesn’t care about my needs.”

When we are angry and want to voice out our frustration, it’s good to be factual.

For example:

”I don’t like waiting for 30 minutes. It was tiring for me.”
“I was waiting for your reply last night.”

As always, avoid using ‘you’. Use lots of ‘I’ and ‘we’.

(Note that my tactics are for women who are introverted with some self-worth issues.

If you are a passionate woman brimming with confidence, you may be impatient with these tactics)

Also, assume that the other person has no ill intention. (Difficult, I know)

I would say that 90% of the time, people don’t have ill intentions.

They genuinely forgot something. They are truly busy and occupied. They are distracted by other things in their lives.

Habit #4: Embarrassment is not the end of the world

When we voice our opinions, sometimes they are not…right.

Our opinions are still valid and need to be respected. But may be factually wrong at times.

(Like correcting someone’s usage of the word ‘traction’ and then realising that our definition of that word is wrong. True story).

It’s alright to laugh at ourselves. That’s why it’s good to be open to different suggestions when being assertive.

If we are rigid…we will look even more foolish when we make mistakes,yes?

We will make mistakes. That’s a given. But embarrassment is not a big deal - people forget about it faster than we think.

Habit #5: Be comfortable saying ‘No’

Saying ‘no’ is probably very hard for you if you have self-esteem issues. But saying ‘No’ is important to respect our own boundaries.

Remember - our boundaries are as important as other people’s boundaries.

If you are not comfortable doing something for others, you can try saying ‘no’ in these 5 ways:

1. “Can I complete that tomorrow instead?”

2. “I can’t help you with that. But you can call this number for information.”

3. “I need the money right now, so I can’t lend you $5000. Sorry!”

4. “Let me think about it.” (and hopefully the person forgets about the task)

5. “Not right now. Maybe next time.”

The above examples are more indirect in nature.

This makes them perfect for some of us who are struggling with self-confidence.

I can’t suggest for you to be direct and say “No, I can’t do that” firmly if you are in the process of building your self-esteem. It’s good to start slow - be indirect at saying ‘no’ first.

And when our confidence builds up, we can be more direct when someone crosses our boundaries.

My last thoughts on assertive communication..

If you want to be more assertive and wish to have a shortcut to raise your self-esteem, you can download a list 14 self-esteem boosting activities below!

Kickstart your journey to be a self-loving woman.

I created 14 Days of Self-Love because many women lack self-worth.

These short but powerful 14 lessons will shift your mindset to be kinder to yourself.

You will create a brand-new self-loving mindset!

The price is really affordable ($37. For lifetime access. And new material added as time passes.)

Give yourself (or someone you care about) the gift of a self-loving mindset.

Meanwhile, have a good week.

Shikah

14 Activities to Build Your Self-esteem and Self-worth

A list of 14 self-esteem activities to build your self-worth and feel comfortable in your own skin.

I wish there is a shortcut to building self-esteem and realising our self-worth.

That was why I created this printable,14 Days of Self-Esteem. It will help to create feelings of self-worth for you.

For your easy reference, you can download and print the list of 14 self-esteem activities below:

You can read my article on 7 secrets to build self-esteem if you want more advice on this topic.

You can commit to the 14 activities for 14 days in a row or stretch out the 14 activities for 1 whole month (if you want to take things slow!).

Read on if you want to learn what the 14 self-esteem activities are.

14 Self-Esteem Activities to boost self-worth

Day 1: Name 3 people whose lives are made easier because of your presence

Day 2: Write 3 achievements you are proud of

Day 3: Write 10 strengths and talents that you have

Day 4: Write 3 compliments which make you feel good

Day 5: Ask a friend or loved one to name 3 strengths that you have

Day 6: Compliment a stranger (a tough one!)

Day 7: Have lunch or tea alone at a nice cafe. Enjoy your own company. 

Day 8: Script your ideal life. Choose one goal which you really want to achieve. Grab your journal and write today’s entry as though you have achieved that goal. Write your feelings when you achieved it, the ups and downs you had to go through to achieve the goal. (It’s a fun exercise, promise!)

Day 9: Write your answer to this question: “If I have 100% high self-esteem, what would I be doing today?”

Day 10: Groom yourself. Give yourself a manicure, a pedicure, body scrub in the shower, shave, body cream- the whole shebang. Wear nice, clean clothes and spritz your favourite perfume.

Day 11: Make no plans today and trust your intuition to guide you on what to do today. (do things and go to places on a whim if you feel like it)

Day 12: Visualise achieving one goal that you want. Close your eyes and visualise in great, realistic detail. Just do this for 5 minutes. (if you can, visualise for at least 5 minutes everyday)

Day 13: Write 5 small achievements you’ve had today in your journal

Day 14: Think of 1 future goal which you want to achieve very much. Write “I know I can achieve ___(insert goal)___ because…” in your journal

For your convenience, you can download and print a copy of these 14 self-esteem activities below:

If you want to double up your self esteem, you can look at my 21 journal prompts to build self-esteem instantly.

I hope the above 14 self-esteem activities will be helpful for you.

Meanwhile, have a good week!

Shikah

Related self-esteem blog articles

• 7 Secrets to Build High Self-Esteem and Feel Empowered (Free Printable)

• How to Set Relationship Boundaries and be Self-Loving
  
  

How to Set Relationship Boundaries and Be Self-Loving: 5 Ways

These are 5 habits of women who set healthy boundaries to feel empowered and confident.

Setting boundaries is always tricky for us.

If we are too rigid, we will be seen as ‘selfish’.

If we have weak boundaries, we will be very frustrated with ourselves.

Some people will be happy with us, though. Because they get us to do what they want.

Self-love is needed in times like these. You can learn the 5 habits of self-love from this blog post.

If you learn better with videos, you can watch my video on setting boundaries below:

Have the confidence to set healthy boundaries with people you know. Join me in this video as I share 5 strategies to set relationship boundaries and feel empowered about your life!

The trick about boundaries is to know when to give and take.

Being flexible takes some pressure off our shoulders.

It’s a matter of personal choice, but we decide where our boundaries are clearly drawn and where our boundaries can be a little more…fluid.

If you need a shortcut to help kick start your boundaries, you can download my Set Healthy Boundaries action sheet below.

I’ll be sharing 5 basic habits which can help us set basic boundaries so that we feel more empowered.

Habit #1: Get Rid of our Excuses

This needs us to be self-aware.

How many times have we made excuses for other people and allow them to overstep our boundaries?

Below are some examples:

”I don’t like my sister coming to my house 4 times a week. But she is lonely and has no family, so I…”

“I don’t want to lend my cousin $5000, but she is crying and begging me. She has a tough family background and comes from a financially-strapped family. Meanwhile, I have $20,000 sitting in my account. So I will…”

”I don’t want to answer my friend’s call at 11pm as I am sleepy and it’s not urgent. But she wants my input now and it will only take 10 minutes. So I…”

The first step to healing is always awareness.

Once we can pinpoint when we are making excuses for other people to crash our boundaries, we can take the next action. And implement some boundary rules.

Habit #2: how to Set Your Boundary Rules

When we set boundaries for the first time, our loved ones will react.

They may admire us and respect our boundaries or attack us for it.

If you set your boundaries politely and that cousin attacks you, you may want to cut back on the time you spend with her.

It’s good to be aware that conflict may happen when we set boundaries in our relationships. Just brace yourself.

You can choose to tell your loved one about your boundary face-to-face or in written form.

For example:

”Hi Sarah! It’s great that you came over to my house today. In future, is it okay if you call me first before coming over? I have some projects to take care of.”

”Hi Natasha! I’m sorry to hear about your money problems. I can’t give you $5000 as I need the cash myself. Is there any other way I can help you?”

”Hi Laura! I’m afraid I am very tired right now. Can I talk to you tomorrow instead?”

(Sometimes, a white lie or two is needed to preserve our sanity…oops!)

You can also text the above scripts to the person who flouts your boundaries.

Texting is good if you don’t like confrontation.

Or if the other person is aggressive and may attack you back.

We don’t want to be bullied into submission!

Habit #3: Be around SUPPORTIVE people

It is crucial to spend time with positive and uplifting people.

Check your feelings after meeting up with someone.

Do you feel drained, exhausted and uninspired?

Or do you feel joyful, motivated and in high spirits?

Don’t spend too much time with people who don’t care for your privacy or those who don’t respect you when you say ”Not now.”

It doesn’t matter if you have been friends for 20 years. If a friend does not respect a simple “No”, it’s time to relax the friendship a bit.

Habit #4: Be Comfortable with Not Explaining Yourself

This requires massive self-esteem.

You don’t have to explain yourself if you don’t want to. Please don’t!

If the person is pushy and keeps asking “Why don’t you want to tell me?”, you can laugh it off and say “I’ll tell you next time.” And then change the subject.

If you are gutsy, you can say something along the lines of: “I don’t think I want to share personal matters right now.”

You have the right not to answer questions you don’t want to.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation.

Again, a white lie may be needed if the other party is extremely pushy.

Or if you have to answer an unwanted question in front of an audience (I feel sorry for you).

Habit #5: Accept that Some People will STILL be Offended and Disappear

When we put our foot down or show our authentic self, some people will flee from our lives.

That is okay, because they are the ones we don’t have a genuine friendship with, in the first place.

We want to be with friends and family who love us for our true selves. And respect our likes and dislikes.

Your true friends will understand your boundaries.

Selfish friends and family will test your boundaries all the time.

You will lose friends by setting boundaries but that is when you find out who your true friends are.

My last thoughts on setting boundaries

If you need to kick start your boundary-setting, you can download my Set Healthy Boundaries printable below.

If you want to know 5 habits of self-loving women, read this blog post.

Meanwhile, have a good week.

Shikah