Failure Motivation: How to go from Shameful to Feeling Empowered
I’ll be sharing some mindset shifts + a Stay Positive Worksheet to help you feel empowered after failing or making mistakes. Be prepared for some failure motivation!
I’ll be sharing some mindset shifts you can adopt so you can feel motivated when you have ‘failed .’
You can download the Stay Positive worksheet below to help you get perspective (and feel empowered) when things go belly up.
Let’s get started!
I’ve failed miserably. Now what?
If you are a perfectionist, failing is like death. It’s embarrassing, mortifying and stomach-churningly shameful.
I’m not sure how you define failure.
Perhaps you did not achieve a goal you announced publicly. Maybe you started something and nobody showed up (ouch). Maybe you flopped badly during a presentation in front of your colleagues.
If we don’t make mistakes in life, we don’t learn.
‘Failures’ and mistakes mean we took a risk against our inner critic. Don’t let yourself be defined by your mistakes.
Besides, failures and mistakes are just ‘feedback’ that our strategies are not working.
If you want to feel calmer and less mortified about your mistakes, you can download the Stay Positive worksheet below.
You list down 3 valuable points your ‘failure’ has taught you. It sounds simple, but feels empowering if done right!
But everyone else thinks I’m a failure! How do I handle that?
Maybe you have accepted your mistake and moved on.
But you feel as though other people are still talking about you and your ‘mistake’.
My questions are...
Are people really talking about you? How long are they going to gossip and think about you? (clue: not very long)
Do some of them actually secretly admire your guts?
People are usually kind. They may even be sympathetic towards your ‘failure’.
Your life is your journey. Everybody’s journey is different. Some people can stick to a job for 20 years (good for them).
Some of us like to switch jobs and try new things. Some of us don’t like the 9-5. Some of us like doing volunteer work over working.
Some of us like to go out of our comfort zones and do things other people call ‘risky’ or a ‘waste of time.’
Successful people make more mistakes than the average person. Remember that.
Hence, it is okay to explore new things (and flop along the way).
Why did I fail?
Maybe you were not committed enough. If it makes sense, give yourself 3 years of commitment for any venture or job before calling it quits.
Maybe you were not 100% into the project. Some part of your psyche does not want you to succeed. “Because if I’m a success, I will have a new set of friends and lose my current friends.” So you hold yourself back to keep your relationships. Self sabotage, anyone?
My last words on ‘failure’…
If you want to stop feeling shameful whenever you make mistakes, you can download the Stay Positive worksheet.
It helps you gain perspective and feel more relaxed about your ‘failures’.
The more mistakes we make, the more we will learn.
Meanwhile, have a good week!
Shikah
(Free Worksheet) How to Stay Positive when Facing a Problem
If you want to learn how to stay positive when life gets hard, you can download the Stay Positive Mindset Shift worksheet here!
A few weeks ago, I received an email from one of my readers whom I will call ‘Carrie’.
There is a lot more to her email, but I will address 1 issue first: her mindset about her autoimmune disease.
Carrie is an attractive woman in her late 30s.
She feels inconvenienced by her autoimmune disease and it has held her back from living the kind of life she wants.
She also wants a relationship badly, but it does not seem to be happening right now.
I racked my brain thinking about a shortcut to make women like Carrie feel positive when life throws lemons at us.
In short, we need a mindset shift.
The Stay Positive Mindset Shift worksheet
This worksheet sounds simple. But trust me, it can change your perspective and make you feel empowered almost instantly.
When to apply this Stay Positive Mindset Shift worksheet:
I will recommend you to do this exercise AFTER you have accepted the unwanted event(s) in your life.
Don’t do this exercise when you are still feeling raw, in pain or in grief. We want our answers to be objective in this exercise.
How to do this Stay Positive Mindset Shift worksheet:
If you best friend has the same problem as you, how would you help her complete this worksheet?
That is one way to help you visualise how to use this worksheet.
Sometimes, we have to be downright creative. If you have a really bad problem, dig deep and be as creative as you can to find its positive aspects. Or get a good friend to help you with this exercise.
You can revisit this worksheet and re-do it again as the months pass.
Your perspective may change as time goes on. It’s quite interesting to see how our mindset and perspective shift over time.
An example for you
For this Stay Positive Mindset Shift worksheet, you will be required to list 3 positive points for every issue that you have.
For Carrie, these are 3 positive points about her health issue:
Positive #1: Her health issue has led her to live a healthier lifestyle. She has to be gluten-free, vegan and exercise regularly. Her body will thank her in the long run.
Positive #2: Carrie feels very motivated to chase her personal goals. She may realise that life is short and she feels inspired to start the activities which she has procrastinated upon all these years.
Positive #3: Carrie may learn to be more present and be in the moment. This will lead her to enjoy life more and be more relaxed.
There are many ways to be creative with this exercise.
To help you stay positive when facing life’s problems, you can download the Stay Positive Mindset Shift worksheet below:
If you want to share a mindset or self-esteem issue that you have, you can click the button below:
I will address it in my blog post or email newsletter if time permits! (your name and details will be confidential, of course).
Have a good week!
Shikah
How to Stop Procrastinating due to Fear of Failure
I’m sharing 5 tips to stop procrastinating so you can achieve your goals. Fear of failure may be the cause of your procrastination. Overcoming procrastination means we have to be truthful to ourselves and find the reasons WHY we are procrastinating the way we do.
I will be sharing 5 ways to stop procrastinating due to fear of failure.
If we have low self-esteem, chances are we procrastinate due to fear of failure. We associate mistakes with our value as a person.
In the video below, I will share with you how we can do a mindset shift about our perfectionistic thoughts and practical ways to stop procrastinating in our day-to-day lives.
What you will learn from this video:
The 1-hour rule to be productive
Overcoming perfectionistic thoughts + worksheet recommendation
Tackle the easy or difficult tasks first?
The best time to do your work
How not to be fearful of failing
If you are a perfectionist, the Pause Perfectionism cheatsheet + this overcome perfectionism article will be helpful when you are overwhelmed with perfectionistic thoughts and procrastinating.
Featured in this video:
3 Actions to Overcome Perfectionism
14 Days of Self-love. Create a self-loving mindset and live life on your own terms
Meanwhile, have a good week!
Shikah
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How to be Assertive when Communicating and Voice Your Opinions Confidently
I’m sharing 5 habits of assertive communication for introverts with self-worth issues! To help you voice your opinions confidently without fear.
These are 5 habits for assertive communication for introverts with self-esteem issues.
Some of us shy away from communicating ‘assertively’.
If we are not confident enough, we get nervous voicing our opinions.
Then again…what we are we nervous about?
Most likely afraid of losing friendships, getting into arguments and people thinking our viewpoint is stupid.
(Especially when we surround ourselves with domineering personalities who always think they are right and have no qualms putting down other people’s smart opinions. Ugh.)
If you want a shortcut to raising your self-esteem, I have 14 activities you can try out. You can download the list below.
By the way, if you want something actionable and love yoga, you might find this Throat Chakra Yoga helpful in helping you (in a more new-age sense).
So what are the 5 habits of assertive communication?
Habit 1: Know that your opinions are worthy
Your opinions are as valid as anyone else’s.
It does not matter if you do not have a high-ranking position at work or if you are still young.
Your opinions should still be respected.
Besides, if you are around people with classy behaviour, they will usually respect your opinions, even if they don’t agree with it.
(And that’s ok. There are 7.7 billion people on this planet - not everyone is going to agree with us!)
So communicate assertively all you want.
If you are around non-classy people…well, they will scorn your opinions and then make fun of you behind your back. You know who they are. Time to stop hanging out with them.
I should also point out that there is a difference between communicating assertively and being aggressive.
If you are assertive, it means that you hold strongly to your opinions BUT you still respect other people’s different points of view.
And no, we do not put down another person’s opinion or insist that our opinion is ‘the right one’.
Don’t be that girl.
Habit #2: Use words such as ‘we’ and ‘I’
If you have some self-confidence issues, you will feel better using ‘we’ and ‘I’ when you are not happy with something.
For example: “I think we can work on this to make it better”, “Let’s improve on this. We can…” or “The steak is not done the way I ordered it…can I have a replacement please?”
Also add ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ when necessary.
And use a question to get someone to do something for you. (“Can you help me to XYZ please? Thanks very much!”)
I have to add that some people are nasty by nature and will step all over you when you are cordial.
That is when you can 1) not reply the person 2) be less cordial (“Thanks for your input. I want this and this to be done. Thank you!”).
I would personally choose not to reply if someone is being nasty to me. Don’t feed the negativity. Your mental health and peace is more important.
Habit #3: Assume positive intent
When we are angry, sometimes we jump immediately to assuming the worst in people.
This is especially true for some of us who have lower self-esteem.
”He purposely ignored my message didn’t he?”
“He is definitely ignoring what I want and doesn’t care about my needs.”
When we are angry and want to voice out our frustration, it’s good to be factual.
For example:
”I don’t like waiting for 30 minutes. It was tiring for me.”
“I was waiting for your reply last night.”
As always, avoid using ‘you’. Use lots of ‘I’ and ‘we’.
(Note that my tactics are for women who are introverted with some self-worth issues.
If you are a passionate woman brimming with confidence, you may be impatient with these tactics)
Also, assume that the other person has no ill intention. (Difficult, I know)
I would say that 90% of the time, people don’t have ill intentions.
They genuinely forgot something. They are truly busy and occupied. They are distracted by other things in their lives.
Habit #4: Embarrassment is not the end of the world
When we voice our opinions, sometimes they are not…right.
Our opinions are still valid and need to be respected. But may be factually wrong at times.
(Like correcting someone’s usage of the word ‘traction’ and then realising that our definition of that word is wrong. True story).
It’s alright to laugh at ourselves. That’s why it’s good to be open to different suggestions when being assertive.
If we are rigid…we will look even more foolish when we make mistakes,yes?
We will make mistakes. That’s a given. But embarrassment is not a big deal - people forget about it faster than we think.
Habit #5: Be comfortable saying ‘No’
Saying ‘no’ is probably very hard for you if you have self-esteem issues. But saying ‘No’ is important to respect our own boundaries.
Remember - our boundaries are as important as other people’s boundaries.
If you are not comfortable doing something for others, you can try saying ‘no’ in these 5 ways:
“Can I complete that tomorrow instead?”
“I can’t help you with that. But you can call this number for information.”
“I need the money right now, so I can’t lend you $5000. Sorry!”
“Let me think about it.” (and hopefully the person forgets about the task)
“Not right now. Maybe next time.”
The above examples are more indirect in nature.
This makes them perfect for some of us who are struggling with self-confidence.
I can’t suggest for you to be direct and say “No, I can’t do that” firmly if you are in the process of building your self-esteem. It’s good to start slow - be indirect at saying ‘no’ first.
And when our confidence builds up, we can be more direct when someone crosses our boundaries.
My last thoughts on assertive communication..
If you want to be more assertive and wish to have a shortcut to raise your self-esteem, you can download a list 14 self-esteem boosting activities below!
Kickstart your journey to be a self-loving woman.
I created 14 Days of Self-Love because many women lack self-worth.
These short but powerful 14 lessons will shift your mindset to be kinder to yourself.
You will create a brand-new self-loving mindset!
The price is really affordable ($37. For lifetime access. And new material added as time passes.)
Give yourself (or someone you care about) the gift of a self-loving mindset.
Meanwhile, have a good week.
Shikah
14 Activities to Build Your Self-esteem and Self-worth
I’ll be sharing 14 activities which will raise your self-esteem and make you feel worthy. For your convenience, you can download and print the list of 14 self-esteem activities for your own use!
A list of 14 self-esteem activities to build your self-worth and feel comfortable in your own skin.
I wish there is a shortcut to building self-esteem and realising our self-worth.
That was why I created this printable,14 Days of Self-Esteem. It will help to create feelings of self-worth for you.
For your easy reference, you can download and print the list of 14 self-esteem activities below:
You can read my article on 7 secrets to build self-esteem if you want more advice on this topic.
You can commit to the 14 activities for 14 days in a row or stretch out the 14 activities for 1 whole month (if you want to take things slow!).
Read on if you want to learn what the 14 self-esteem activities are.
14 Self-Esteem Activities to boost self-worth
Day 1: Name 3 people whose lives are made easier because of your presence
Day 2: Write 3 achievements you are proud of
Day 3: Write 10 strengths and talents that you have
Day 4: Write 3 compliments which make you feel good
Day 5: Ask a friend or loved one to name 3 strengths that you have
Day 6: Compliment a stranger (a tough one!)
Day 7: Have lunch or tea alone at a nice cafe. Enjoy your own company.
Day 8: Script your ideal life. Choose one goal which you really want to achieve. Grab your journal and write today’s entry as though you have achieved that goal. Write your feelings when you achieved it, the ups and downs you had to go through to achieve the goal. (It’s a fun exercise, promise!)
Day 9: Write your answer to this question: “If I have 100% high self-esteem, what would I be doing today?”
Day 10: Groom yourself. Give yourself a manicure, a pedicure, body scrub in the shower, shave, body cream- the whole shebang. Wear nice, clean clothes and spritz your favourite perfume.
Day 11: Make no plans today and trust your intuition to guide you on what to do today. (do things and go to places on a whim if you feel like it)
Day 12: Visualise achieving one goal that you want. Close your eyes and visualise in great, realistic detail. Just do this for 5 minutes. (if you can, visualise for at least 5 minutes everyday)
Day 13: Write 5 small achievements you’ve had today in your journal
Day 14: Think of 1 future goal which you want to achieve very much. Write “I know I can achieve ___(insert goal)___ because…” in your journal
For your convenience, you can download and print a copy of these 14 self-esteem activities below:
If you want to double up your self esteem, you can look at my 21 journal prompts to build self-esteem instantly.
I hope the above 14 self-esteem activities will be helpful for you.
Meanwhile, have a good week!
Shikah
