(Free Printable) How to Overcome Self Critical thoughts and Feel More Confident
Overcome your self-critical thoughts with a worksheet I’ve created! We are not doing any ‘positive thinking’ here. We’ll be creating balanced, realistic thoughts to replace our self-critical thoughts. Check it out,
I’m sure we’ve heard of many positive thinking tactics.
Jumping from “I am a failure because I never finish the projects I created” to “I’m a successful person” is a big leap.
That’s why I prefer creating balanced, believable thoughts.
Your new thoughts have to be believable to yourself.
So today, we will learn how to create balanced, believable thoughts to overcome our self-critical thoughts over time.
This will require you to download my Thought Challenging Diary action sheet. You can get it below:
If you learn better with video, you can watch me teach you how to use this action sheet to improve your self-esteem below:
Let’s get started!
How do we create a new, balanced, feel-good thought to a replace self-critical thought?
We are not going to create ‘positive thoughts’ here.
We will be creating new thoughts which are balanced and realistic based on facts.
Why? Because our minds can accept balanced thoughts backed by evidence. When I mention balanced thoughts, I'm referring to thoughts backed by actual evidence.
That is why we are going to look for evidence against our negative thoughts in today's assignment.
Looking for evidence...
If one of your negative thoughts is "I am a failure and I give up easily", we are going to look for evidence in your life which proves this thought wrong.
Changing your unworthy thought from "I’m a failure" to "I’m a success!" is like jumping the Grand Canyon. Too far and too unrealistic at this point of time.
So we’ll go one step at a time to create a new balanced thought (backed by evidence) to replace the older, faulty, negative thought we used to have.
How?
If you have read this blog post about me teaching other coaches how to do this, the 2 steps below will seem familiar
Ask yourself these 4 questions to overcome self-critical thoughts the simple way
"How will my friend (insert your best friend’s name) view this situation?"
"If I’m in a good mood and feeling happy, how will I view this situation?"
"Is there any other perspective to view this situation?"
"What advice will I give my friend Karen if she has this same unhelpful thought?"
Complete the Thought Challenging Diary to overcome self-critical thoughts in-depth
We will be challenging AND supporting our self-critical thoughts with evidence.
You may ask: Why do we look for evidence to support our self-criticism? Isn’t that ironic?
Coming face to face with our ‘bad’ habits and “weaknesses” will bring awareness. And make sure we improve on them.
Let’s say my most distressing thought is:
"I’m a failure - I give up easily and not had success with many activities I start. This project is going to be the same."
I will look for evidence against this belief AND supporting this belief.
To make it easier, I will just upload my completed action sheet below:
Again, if you want a tutorial on this, you can watch the Youtube video I uploaded above.
What should I feel after this self-critical thoughts action sheet?
You should feel good about yourself after completing this exercise. More assured. More confident. More comfortable in your own skin.
This action sheet may take 10 minutes for some of us, or it may take longer. It is good to be intentional and honest when completing this!
I still struggle with poor self-esteem and negative thoughts. What should I do?
You may find this article I wrote on all-or-nothing thinking helpful.
If you want to take one step further, my self-esteem workbook with 21 practical exercises will improve your self-esteem drastically.
Any suggestions or questions for me? Shoot me an email at shikah@shikahanuar.com!
Meanwhile, have a good week.
Shikah
(Free Coaching Tool) How to Teach Your Coaching Clients to Smash Their Self-Critical Thoughts Once and For All
Teach your clients to overcome self-critical thoughts and be confident to chase their goals. Free coaching tool included - you can use it in your coaching sessions or even as a lead magnet on your website.
I will be sharing a 2-step method and a free coaching tool to teach your clients how to overcome their self-critical thoughts. This helps them feel more assured and confident of themselves.
I created a Thought Challenging Diary action sheet which you can download and use with your clients.
It’s unbranded so you can use it
with your coaching clients
as a lead magnet to get subscribers
in your coaching workshops
during prospect meetings or discovery calls
Teaching someone to overcome self-critical thoughts is not easy. It takes months and even years for someone to change deep-rooted thoughts.
We can bring awareness to their self-critical nature. Awareness is always the start of healing.
Coaches can’t save everyone as much as we want to. We do the best that we can and even if the client improves just 10%, we can celebrate.
It is difficult for anyone to change even a small habit. So any positive change is a victory.
Coaching is a long-term process. I’ve worked as a counsellor and I have heard of ‘bosses’ who wanted counsellors to change someone’s behaviour in 6 counselling sessions.
That’s, err, crazy.
Anyway, I digress.
Let’s get started with how you can teach your clients to balance some of their self-critical thoughts.
If you want to download my coaching tool, the Thought Challenging Diary, feel free to do so below. You are free to use it with your clients, in coaching workshops or even as a lead magnet!
How do we teach someone to overcome their self-critical thoughts?
Step 1: Get your clients to answer these 4 questions.
"How will my friend (insert best friend’s name) view this situation?"
"If I’m in a good mood and feeling happy, how will I view this situation?"
"Is there any other perspective to view this situation?"
"What advice will I give my friend Karen if she has this same unhelpful thought?"
Give them time to think through the questions. We want in-depth answers. At least 5 long sentences.
Step 2: Get your clients to complete the Thought Challenging Diary Action Sheet
This is where we will challenge their self-critical thoughts with evidence and facts.
There is a certain kind of freedom and joy that comes with it.
This is how we do it:
Let’s say your client’s most distressing thought is:
"I’m a failure - I give up easily and not had success with many activities I start. This project is going to be the same."
We will find evidence supporting that thought and evidence challenging that thought.
You can see how I completed the Thought Challenging Diary coaching tool below:
It's now their turn to complete the Thought Challenging Diary with their self-critical thoughts. They will feel more in control of their thoughts and their lives after this exercise.
You can allocate one sheet for each self-critical thought your client has.
You can download the Thought Challenging Diary tool below:
And…if you want to save time as a coach, coach clients with counsellor-approved tools or even earn more income on the side, you will be interested in my done-for-you 22 Self-Esteem Worksheets Bundle.
You can add your own logo.
Use your branding colours.
Resell in your online shop.
Add your personal touch. Save time so you can focus on coaching and not spend time researching to create good quality materials.
Use the worksheets with your online coaching clients, in coaching workshops or even sell the worksheets individually on your website (for real).
It’s a good deal for now because I just launched this Self-Esteem Worksheets Bundle.
If you have questions, you can email me at shikah@shikahanuar.com :)
Meanwhile, have a good week.
More free coaching tools for you…
How to use a Self-love Coaching Tool & Help Clients Feel Confident of Achieving Their Goals
47 Coaching Questions to Ask Your Clients When You Feel Stuck
Shikah
Free Coaching Tool - 47 Coaching Questions to Ask Your Clients when You Feel Stuck
I’ve created a free coaching tool - 47 coaching questions to help you during your coaching sessions. Feel confident in front of your clients & prospects by asking the right questions!
I will be sharing a powerful coaching tool with you: 47 coaching questions to help you feel confident in front of your coaching clients.
I remember the first time I saw my first counsellee in 2011.
I was so nervous that I prepared a sheet of paper with about 30 coaching questions so that I won’t be stuck or lost!
If you are a new coach, I understand the jitters.
That is why I have prepared this list of 47 coaching questions to help you. No more fumbling around, saying “umm..”, feeling panicked because you don’t know what to reply and so on.
You can download this coaching tool below:
You will feel confident facing your clients which means your clients will have confidence in you too.
The first few times seeing clients will be nerve-wrecking.
But it becomes easier and will come to you naturally as you coach more clients. Most clients are cooperative.
Practice is key!
Ok, this coaching tool sounds great. So what are these 47 powerful coaching questions?
For this coaching worksheet, I have divided the questions into 5 sections:
General coaching questions
Low self-esteem coaching questions (if you need a self-love coaching tool, click here)
‘Life problems’ coaching questions
Self discovery coaching questions
Goal-setting questions
Below is a preview of the 47 coaching questions:
Of course you can choose to download this coaching tool below so it’s easier for you to use during coaching sessions.
More related coaching tools for you...
You may find the tools below helpful.
I created these tools for individuals but there is no reason you can’t use them with your clients.
If you want a brandable Self-esteem Workbook to use with your clients, you can get it here.
There are 21 ready-to-use worksheets to help your clients increase their self-esteem to pursue their goals. Just add your logo to the worksheets and they are ready to go!
Meanwhile, have a good week.
Shikah
How to Finally Overcome ‘All or Nothing’ Thinking - a Perfectionism Mindset
Perfectionism is caused by all or nothing thinking. I will share 1 brave method for you to beat all-or-nothing thinking. This will be your first step to overcome perfectionism and feel less anxious. It takes time to overcome perfectionism. But if you can tone down your perfectionism even by just a little bit, you will feel more relaxed about life!
One brave method to overcome ‘all or nothing’ thinking which is common amongst perfectionists.
What are you perfectionistic about?
It can be your appearance, your work, your house and some of us are even perfectionists with our hobby. Or you may be perfectionistic with all the four aspects above.
I don’t want to shoot perfectionism down, because it has its good points.
But with anything else in life, too much of anything - such as perfectionism - is going to make you anxious, exhausted, not relaxed and basically hate your life.
It all starts with an ‘all-or-nothing’ mentality.
If you need a worksheet to help you tone down your perfectionism and be productive, you can download the Pause Perfectionism worksheet below.
6 Examples of All or Nothing Thinking
“If I’m not going to stick to the diet 100%, might as well not start in the first place.”
“If I don’t look well-groomed all the time, I might bump into ex-colleagues and old friends and they will think I’ve let myself go.”
“If I don’t publish my blog post today, I’m a failure.”
“If I don’t keep my house spotless and clean when my friends come over, they will think I’m lazy and dirty.”
“Well, if I’m not a success and become popular doing what I do, what’s the point of starting?”
“If I publish a video and someone criticises how I speak, I’m doomed.”
The dangers of all-or-nothing thinking
We are usually not this harsh with our friends and family. But strangely, we punish ourselves.
All or nothing thinking is believing in extremes.
Many things in life are not black-and-white. If you are a perfectionist, you will be frustrated with this idea. Like, what’s the point of doing something if we don’t succeed in it, right?
All or nothing thinking means:
We will have low self-esteem. Which means we’ll never have the confidence to do things out of our comfort zone to pursue our goals.
We punish ourselves by expecting ourselves to excel at something when we may be gifted in other areas
We don’t even try something we want to do because it will be a ‘waste of time.’
We overwork or spend too much time on little things which are not a matter of life and death. As a result: We don’t enjoy motherhood, working, exercising, reading, hobbies because we want to do everything right.
We are highly anxious all the time. Not fun at all.
We will be fatigued all the time because our minds are constantly thinking, analysing, evaluating.
How to overcome all-or-nothing thinking
I will propose something which will make all the perfectionists reading this cringe and have panic attacks.
I call it the 4-Step All or nothing Exercise.
Step 1: I will ask you to choose 1 all-or-nothing goal or standard you have.
Step 2: what goes through your mind if you do it or don’t achieve it?
Step 3: Next week, set a date to deliberately not achieve your all-or-nothing standard (gasp!).
Step 4: Record what happens.
I will give you an example.
Step 1: “I MUST keep my house and all the rooms 100% sparkling clean when guests come over."
Step 2: “If I don’t keep my house spotless and clean when my friends come over, they will think I’m lazy and dirty. They will find out my embarrassing habits at home.”
Step 3: “I will invite my friends to my house next Tuesday. I will only clean the living room and toilets the morning itself. I will leave the other rooms as they are. Maybe just a quick sweep for the other rooms.'“
Step 4: See if your friends notice (or mind) the state of your house not being 100% perfect. Record it down.
You may need to repeat Step 3 a few times before you can truly relax and let go about perfectionism regarding your home.
You may also find these overcome perfectionism articles helpful:
How to Handle a Stressful Situation
I know that many of us are perfectionists because we have low self-esteem!
If you want to start overcoming low self-esteem and be brave to pursue your goals, you can check out my Ebook - Be Your Own Self-Esteem Coach.
Or you can take the first step and download the Pause Perfectionism and Feel Relaxed worksheet.
Meanwhile, have a good week!
Shikah
Failure Motivation: How to go from Shameful to Feeling Empowered
I’ll be sharing some mindset shifts + a Stay Positive Worksheet to help you feel empowered after failing or making mistakes. Be prepared for some failure motivation!
I’ll be sharing some mindset shifts you can adopt so you can feel motivated when you have ‘failed .’
You can download the Stay Positive worksheet below to help you get perspective (and feel empowered) when things go belly up.
Let’s get started!
I’ve failed miserably. Now what?
If you are a perfectionist, failing is like death. It’s embarrassing, mortifying and stomach-churningly shameful.
I’m not sure how you define failure.
Perhaps you did not achieve a goal you announced publicly. Maybe you started something and nobody showed up (ouch). Maybe you flopped badly during a presentation in front of your colleagues.
If we don’t make mistakes in life, we don’t learn.
‘Failures’ and mistakes mean we took a risk against our inner critic. Don’t let yourself be defined by your mistakes.
Besides, failures and mistakes are just ‘feedback’ that our strategies are not working.
If you want to feel calmer and less mortified about your mistakes, you can download the Stay Positive worksheet below.
You list down 3 valuable points your ‘failure’ has taught you. It sounds simple, but feels empowering if done right!
But everyone else thinks I’m a failure! How do I handle that?
Maybe you have accepted your mistake and moved on.
But you feel as though other people are still talking about you and your ‘mistake’.
My questions are...
Are people really talking about you? How long are they going to gossip and think about you? (clue: not very long)
Do some of them actually secretly admire your guts?
People are usually kind. They may even be sympathetic towards your ‘failure’.
Your life is your journey. Everybody’s journey is different. Some people can stick to a job for 20 years (good for them).
Some of us like to switch jobs and try new things. Some of us don’t like the 9-5. Some of us like doing volunteer work over working.
Some of us like to go out of our comfort zones and do things other people call ‘risky’ or a ‘waste of time.’
Successful people make more mistakes than the average person. Remember that.
Hence, it is okay to explore new things (and flop along the way).
Why did I fail?
Maybe you were not committed enough. If it makes sense, give yourself 3 years of commitment for any venture or job before calling it quits.
Maybe you were not 100% into the project. Some part of your psyche does not want you to succeed. “Because if I’m a success, I will have a new set of friends and lose my current friends.” So you hold yourself back to keep your relationships. Self sabotage, anyone?
My last words on ‘failure’…
If you want to stop feeling shameful whenever you make mistakes, you can download the Stay Positive worksheet.
It helps you gain perspective and feel more relaxed about your ‘failures’.
The more mistakes we make, the more we will learn.
Meanwhile, have a good week!
Shikah
